The time has come for me to stop ranting about liberals. This has been an interesting, meditational exercise for me (if by meditating you mean indulging in vitriolic rants).
I’ve suspended commenting on Tiger Woods, Al Gore and the new Dollhouse season just to keep picking at this subject. Clearly, I need to get over it.
So what have I learned?
- Liberals believe they are on average smarter than conservatives, and thus morally better. How this differs from garden variety snobbery I have not yet figured out.
- Liberals are bigoted against conservatives in the same way that white supremacists are bigoted against blacks. Liberal contempt for NASCAR and grits is psychodynamically identical to racist contempt for jungle music and fried chicken. The fact that jungle music and fried chicken are really good and NASCAR and grits really suck is beside the point.
- Demographically, conservatives are dumber than liberals. Let’s face it: If you choose to watch PBS instead of going to NASCAR this weekend, your IQ is probably higher. Even if you’re doing less with those extra points. You could look at this as showing that conservative ideas are so obviously better that even shallow stupid small town people understand them because they’re not deeply stupid.
- Deep stupidity is an intelligence-resistant neurosis, similar to an antibiotic-resistant virus. A guy with a 98 IQ going to NASCAR every time he can and raising a family and holding down a job is not stupid. He’s punching well above his IQ weight class. An effete beta liberal working in the public or non-profit sector with a 120 IQ indulging in infantile progressive fantasies is deeply stupid. He wants Big Brother to play My Bodygaurd because he’s afraid to duke it out with life in ANY weight class. He senses, deep down, that his livelihood depends on that NASCAR guy.
- Liberal ideology, at its most fundamental level, is predicated on exploiting the victims of the human race as poster children. Snail darters, the homeless, whatever. Every stupid plan a liberal has for your life is beyond criticism because Liberals are trying to help victims and you’re not.
- Promiscuous compassion is the first refuge of the liberal scoundrel. Compassion excuses every stupid proposal to control other people from intelligent criticism. Promiscuous compassion is the liberal’s outward-facing raison d’etre. I should run everyone and everything is the real real agenda. Lugubriously pretending that I care about everyone and everything else is the way that I, Liberal, distinguish myself from Pol Pot.
- Even liberal compassion has its limits. Anyone who succeeds in normal human terms is exempted. If you’re no good at coming up with grievances and boo-boo’s, you’re no good to liberals. You’re invisible if you suck it up and don’t whine.
- Liberals aren’t really human, in their own minds. They think they are exceptional and should be herding and culling the rest of us normal humans and curbing our humanimal instincts. Succeeding as a normal human is proof that you’ve victimized someone somewhere and you must be punished and hampered. But not outright stopped. Even the most deeply stupid liberal, like the worst spoiled 7 year old, doesn’t want Dad to lose his job. But has no idea on on what Dad’s job is really like or on what it depends.
The term deep stupidity deserves more definition. Here’s what liberals don’t get that makes them deeply stupid:
- The rule of law. Without this, nothing else matters. Being able to reasonably predict the long-term outcome of your actions is essential to human thriving. If the rules change minute to minute, you’re always a whim away from being wished into the cornfield. Stable relationships are the lifeblood of civilization. Even bad rules are better than whimsical rules. When you think it’s ok to change the rules without overwhelming consensus, you’re a huge danger and a force for chaos.
- Self-ownership. Your life, talents and resources belong to you and should not be subject to even partial appropriation by others, no matter how unfortunate their circumstances or how powerful their advocates. In terms of what you should be forced to do, you owe other human beings nothing more than justice. The rest is up to you.
- The difference between being an asshole and a victim. Liberals are deeply ignorant about their faux-suffering clients.
- Absolute power is no substitute for knowledge. If you were king, and you were the smartest person in the world, you’d still fuck it up. Nobody is smarter than everybody. It’s not about being humble; it’s about being sensible. When everyone tries to solve a problem, it’s unlikely that the solution that rises to the top will be the one you thought of. Unless you’re Edison or Kurtzweil, and, trust me, you’re not.
- The fundamental property of government that distinguishes it from all other social institutions is violence. Any time you think that you need government to solve a problem, you’re really saying that the right thing to do is to hold a gun to other people’s heads to get this problem solved. This includes banning smoking in restaurants and enforcing garbage sorting on your neighbors. What kind of a douchebag do you have to be to think that resorting to threats of violence is the way to deal with those things?
- Consistency and seriousness. Celebrity Liberals fly private jets to Copenhagen to talk about how to reduce their gigantic carbon footprints. Because they’re so important it’s OK that they not do this over Cisco virtual meetings so they can sweat on each other and nosh with each other and pontificate en masse. They go to $500 a plate fundraisers for poverty and suck down pate and Chardonnay while Sally Struthers’ 5 year old kids still look pregnant. Why do they act like this? Because liberal principles are impossible to live up to. When you believe in things you can’t live up to, it’s so easy to just say, Fuck it, I’ll do what I can and I’ll say when it’s enough. Intent trumps output. Here’s how problems actually get solved, you liberal dipshits: Some guy with deep knowledge spends his weekends and nights thinking hard and makes a little tweak or invention that moves things slightly in a better direction. He’s not a banquet-whore and he doesn’t fly to Copenhagen on someone else’s dime–he doesn’t have time. His carbon footprint is tiny because he’s up in his head and working instead of flitting and emoting. Liberals, like all children, think that if problems aren’t being solved, it’s because others aren’t trying hard enough. Lacking the skills to create new vaccines or more efficient car engines, they prefer to mandate that others figure it out or else. (Sadly, this attitude works pretty well. I’d like to tell Ralph Nader that he has 2 years to design a perfectly safe car or I’m going to put a rabid wolverine down his pants–I bet I’d get to unleash the rabid wolverine. Liberals don’t know how to solve problems–they think they can coerce those who do understand.)
- Other people aren’t dolls. All liberal plans and pretensions depend on other people being pliable victims who wait for and accept rescue. Liberals are always shocked that other people make chess moves against them and subvert their noble intentions for selfish ends. Teenage single mothers will take those food stamps to shop carefully and cook nutritious meals for their under-birthweight children, and will use the rest of their AFDC to go to DeVry and learn to program computers. People who get SBA loans after the banks laughed out loud will succeed anyway if we just give them a chance. Giving poor people with 300 credit scores and 3o minute time horizons 30 year mortgages will make them responsible. When liberals say that the personal is political, they have no idea how true they speak. Liberalism is codependency writ large. They have no idea that the poor are far more malicious, lazy and cunning than they are unfortunate. Liberals are always surprised when they are punked by the people they propose to help.
- The law of unintended consequences. The point above is an important example of liberals not understanding unintended consequences, but it’s not the whole of it. Liberals don’t understand that wage and price controls substitute scarcity and queues for wages and prices. They don’t count the number of dead children they accept as the price for banning DDT. They don’t notice who they demoralize and disincent and divert and kill. They’re focused only on the benefits of what they do. Like a chemical company that thinks only about what they ship and get paid for, not what they pump into the water supply. Liberals have no notion of economic ecology.
- What things cost. Because productive people are a taken for granted resource, like parental bank accounts are taken for granted by spoiled children. Liberals don’t budget when they’re prescribing. After all, it’s not their own money and daddy will figure it out somehow.
Which brings me to my final Duh! epiphany.
The entire Liberal plan is to use government as a magic wand.
That’s it. They have no other strategy or hope. Liberals view every social institution except government as ineffective. On the playground of life, liberals always run to teacher.