Jesus is not alright with me

I used to be a Christian. I was raised Christian.

Even when I was a Christian I didn’t much like Jesus. Of course, I didn’t know I didn’t like Jesus. It was only later that I realized I had learned nothing from Jesus that helped me make real world decisions.

Let’s start with the Beatitudes. Blessed are the…. what the fuck?

None of this makes any sense to anybody. People who think this is beautiful think anything they don’t understand is beautiful. Blessed are the poor in spirit for they shall whatever, blessed are the meek for they shall whatever, blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be whatever. It’s incomprehensible crap. The only intelligible meaning you can take out of it is, Blessed are you if you suck, for you shall get revenge on all those who don’t suck. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. Why?

Moving on to the parables. The reason you’re not supposed to get them is that they’re deep and spiritual, and you’re not. They’re dumb stories, many of them with pernicious meanings, none of them smarter than Aesop’s fables.

Cursing fig trees, driving honest merchants out of the temple, never doing a day’s honest work in his life, bitching out Martha, getting everyone drunk in Cana, condemning everyone to hell who didn’t buy his bullshit….where’s the thread that explains Jesus? His ethical philosophy was, If someone fucks with you, let them. His political philosophy was, if the government fucks with you, let them. Render unto Caesar my ass. Where does Jesus defend self-respect or human rights? Where does he celebrate productivity, creativity, self-determination? Jesus taught victims how to be better doormats and gave no aid or comfort to anyone trying to make a better life. If you’re not already pathetic, Christ can’t see you.

I think it was Bertrand Russell who said that everything Jesus said that was original wasn’t good and everything he said that was good wasn’t original. Whoever said it, it’s right.

Christ was a cretin.


2 Responses to Jesus is not alright with me

  1. Adam says:

    What is your game here?
    Is it cryptic humor your attempting here?
    No, I’m not challenging your ammendment right to post this, but just curious as to why you would post your point of view in such a vulgar manner?

  2. Scipio says:

    Jesus was a fucking worthless hippie.

    Care to disagree with me substantively? Did Jesus ever stand up for human rights? Hell, did he ever give any indication he even understood the notion of human rights?

    What teachings of Jesus have you found of practical use in your life? Be specific and anecdotal. I’ll bet I can find those teachings existed long before Jesus.

    While you’re at it, why don’t you list the teachings of Jesus that reigned during the Dark Ages.

    Jesus has gotten a pass for way too long because believers like you get offended when anyone points out his “emperor’s new clothes” problem.

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