Why I hate Libertarians

Rand Paul, offspring of Ron Paul, got swept into the political mainstream on the Tea Party wave, and what’s the first thing he did?

Pissed all over the Civil Rights Act.  Way to pick a fight you didn’t have to pick, you idiot.

That pretty much characterizes what should be the real slogan of the Libertarian Party:

Not just picking fights we can’t win, but fights most people can’t understand. Since 1972.

Hey, Rand Paul, you dumbass, are you going to get elected and start proposing bills repealing the Civil Rights Act and affirmative action and anything else that black people and liberals think favors black people? If not, then WHY DON’T YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THIS STUFF SINCE YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT?  

Obama didn’t campaign on The Communist Manifesto. You don’t have to turn every voter into a neo-Austrian Mises-reader to get elected either.

You’re not a racist, Rand. But you sure sounded like one. Libertarians refuse to meet people on any common ground. Instead, they like to use shock and awe to get attention which must be paid to their their abstruse political principles. Legalize crystal meth. Defend the right to racism.  Get rid of all public libraries and the highways.

Most people are a long way away from even starting to think about abstract political ideals like Libertarians do. 

In full disclosure, I once ran for congress as a Libertarian. My poll numbers got high enough that both the GOP and the incumbent Democrat treated me with respect. At the end of the day, I respected the Democrat and despised the Republican.

I treated the process very unseriously, nearly as performance art (though I didn’t know that term then). I raised money by selling bumper stickers that said “Vote! Vote! Or I’ll Cut Your Throat!” next to “Don’t Vote! It Only Encourages Them!” and “Vote for <ME> Unless You’re an Idiot.” I got lots of press coverage and got included in serious debates which I made very unserious.  (“What do I say to those who say that Libertarians would give LSD to schoolchildren? I say, We’re not socalists! We’ll SELL LSD to schoolchildren! They have to pay like anyone else!” Standing ovation in front of 5000 college students. College students are dumb as fuck.)

That’s a little immature, even in a pre-9/11 end of history world where I knew I couldn’t get elected and the best I could do was to attract smart disaffected young people much like myself to libertarian ideas.

But Rand Paul actually is the favorite to win the election this year. He’s not just using the system as a publicity stunt like I was.

It’s easy to take cheap shots at the system when you think the system will survive all your tantrums and snottiness and refusals to work with anything that is less than perfect. When you’re still a child who thinks that nothing you can do will bring your invulnerable family down and so you can sulk, pout, sneer, indulge in adolescent self-righteousness and stamp up the stairs and slam the door.

Ron Paul and Rand Paul are both adolescent door-slamming teenage girl jerks. Like many libertarians and all Libertarians, they take themselves as seriously as does your average teenage girl. And act about as seriously about bringing about actual change.

Libertarian zeal to change the world is pure teenage girl: you will worship me because I’m so awesome and hot. No way I have to figure out how to make anything happen really, because my ideological hotness will just make it happen, imagine. No more tragedy of the commons. Imagine all the people, getting mail every day if the post office didn’t have a monopoly, ooh hoo, you may say I’m a dreamer, but toll roads are the way, I hope someday you’ll join us and you’ll do exactly what we say is the the right way to solve all those  horrible problems that have never been solved by government except the roads work ok and the libraries have books and NASA actually invented Gatorade and the Internet is pretty cool….but all those things would be way better if we’d been in charge, so they still suck. Except cap and trade. Oops, we realize now that our perennial proposal to fix all environmental issues is easily coopted and corrupted by government, so never mind.

Here’s my advice to Libertarians: Get a fucking real job. It worked for me.

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