I hate Katy Perry

She makes my spidey sense tingle.

I should like her. She’s hot as hell and my type of hot. She sings OK. Better than Britney. Though if I’m going to listen to a hot chick who can barely sing, I’m all over Lily Allen. I mean, I’d like to be all over Lily Allen. I get no creepy feeling about Lily Allen–she’d have all the creepy feelings if we ever met.

Katy Perry is smart and funny. I just saw her on Graham Norton with Anna Kournikova and some unknown British comic sitting between them who spent the whole show looking like a puppy getting his belly rubbed.

(BTW, if you get BBC America, check out The Graham Norton Show–better than any late night talk show we have here in The Colonies.)

I know 2 reasons I hate Katy Perry: I Kissed a Girl and now California Girls, which she performed on TGNS.

Jill Sobule did a great song called I Kissed A Girl about 15 years ago. It was a medium hit. Go listen to that song and compare it to the KP song of the same title. Jill’s song is cute and real and sexy. Jill definitely kissed a girl, and not as research or attention-whoring in front of real or imaginary guys. 

KP’s song ripping off Jill’s title is sexy like one of the lizard-women masquerading as human on the TV show V. Cold, calculated (not calculating–calculated), self-aware, unblinking, on display. There’s something deeply wrong with a culture that makes KP’s IKAG a bigger hit than Jill’s sexy little oops too much wine girls night in hmmm going to have think about that some more song.

Now, KP tries to steal the title of the Beach Boys classic California Girls to crank out another robo-whore hit. If she succeeds, her shitty little hello I’m a slutty cunt lyrics will drown out the Beach Boys romantic naive teenage poetry.

 Clearly, KP is pursuing a strategy of plopping her big fat butt down on older better songs to smother them and exploit them. And, I’d suggest, she’s picking songs that particularly annoy her reptilian brain. Songs that make sex not so much like Fuck Like A Beast. I could be giving her more credit than she deserves. This could be her crew, but I think she’s smart enough that she’s culpable.

Most of the time, I write this blog to piss off/on other people who I want to piss off/on. Today it’s for me. Now I know why I hate Katy Perry, from writing this.

And why I’m sick and fucking tired of her fiancee Russell Brand. These are smart, clever, privileged people who are still 12 years old emotionally. Rebels without a clue, they don’t give a shit about anything stodgy and important any more than they did when they were 12. They rebel against people who aren’t as cute and effortlessly smart as they are by being snide and arch. How brave they are to make fun of those who aren’t so snottily gifted. They have visceral contempt for people who work hard, who slog through, who can’t think of a snappy comeback because they’re too goddamn tired after a hard day and even if they weren’t they wouldn’t act like this because they have better manners.

If you put Katy Russell in charge of things they would gape and flounder and behave even worse than Barack Obama. Like Barack, they think pretty and clever uber alles, wave to the proles. 

Katy and Russell are nothing more than Bristol and Levi, with an IQ lift.  At least Sarah Palin’s slutty brat and her baby-daddy have the excuse of being dumb as a box of rocks. Katy and Russell c0uld actually contribute something, but they refuse except for contributing to the destruction of Western civilization. Russell sneers cleverly and drunkenly; Katy strums her pussy like it’s a comedy puppet. 

See the movie Ridicule. Great movie. Once you see it, you’ll know why I hate KP and her little Russell terrier bitch.


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