Dr. Laura, BIH

All the conservatives thinking she’s been railroaded off the air for offending people’s delicate racial sensitivities need to hear what she actually said.

That might be hard since Dr. Laura has excised it from her web sites copy of the tape. But here’s the transcript (copied and pasted courtesy of Media Matters).

To set the stage, a perfectly nice black woman, a long-suffering black woman, calls up to ask sincerely how to deal with her white husband’s racist yahoo friends coming over and poking at her about race while her puss of a husband pretends he doesn’t notice.

CALLER: Hi, Dr. Laura.
SCHLESSINGER: Hi.
CALLER: I’m having an issue with my husband where I’m starting to grow very resentful of him. I’m black, and he’s white. We’ve been around some of his friends and family members who start making racist comments as if I’m not there or if I’m not black. And my husband ignores those comments, and it hurts my feelings. And he acts like —
SCHLESSINGER: Well, can you give me an example of a racist comment? ‘Cause sometimes people are hypersensitive. So tell me what’s — give me two good examples of racist comments.
CALLER: OK. Last night — good example — we had a neighbor come over, and this neighbor — when every time he comes over, it’s always a black comment. It’s, “Oh, well, how do you black people like doing this?” And, “Do black people really like doing that?” And for a long time, I would ignore it. But last night, I got to the point where it —
SCHLESSINGER: I don’t think that’s racist.
CALLER: Well, the stereotype —
SCHLESSINGER: I don’t think that’s racist. No, I think that —
CALLER: [unintelligible]
SCHLESSINGER: No, no, no. I think that’s — well, listen, without giving much thought, a lot of blacks voted for Obama simply ’cause he was half-black. Didn’t matter what he was gonna do in office, it was a black thing. You gotta know that. That’s not a surprise. Not everything that somebody says — we had friends over the other day; we got about 35 people here — the guys who were gonna start playing basketball. I was going to go out and play basketball. My bodyguard and my dear friend is a black man. And I said, “White men can’t jump; I want you on my team.” That was racist? That was funny.
CALLER: How about the N-word? So, the N-word’s been thrown around —
SCHLESSINGER: Black guys use it all the time. Turn on HBO, listen to a black comic, and all you hear is nigger, nigger, nigger.
CALLER: That isn’t —
SCHLESSINGER: I don’t get it. If anybody without enough melanin says it, it’s a horrible thing; but when black people say it, it’s affectionate. It’s very confusing. Don’t hang up, I want to talk to you some more. Don’t go away.
I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I’ll be right back.
After taking a commercial break, Schlessinger resumed her discussion with the caller:

SCHLESSINGER: I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger, talking to Jade. What did you think about during the break, by the way?
CALLER: I was a little caught back by the N-word that you spewed out, I have to be honest with you. But my point is, race relations —
SCHLESSINGER: Oh, then I guess you don’t watch HBO or listen to any black comedians.
CALLER: But that doesn’t make it right. I mean, race is a [unintelligible] —
SCHLESSINGER: My dear, my dear —
CALLER: — since Obama’s been in office —
SCHLESSINGER: — the point I’m trying to make —
CALLER: — racism has come to another level that’s unacceptable.
SCHLESSINGER: Yeah. We’ve got a black man as president, and we have more complaining about racism than ever. I mean, I think that’s hilarious.
CALLER: But I think, honestly, because there’s more white people afraid of a black man taking over the nation.
SCHLESSINGER: They’re afraid.
CALLER: If you want to be honest about it [unintelligible]
SCHLESSINGER: Dear, they voted him in. Only 12 percent of the population’s black. Whites voted him in.
CALLER: It was the younger generation that did it. It wasn’t the older white people who did it.
SCHLESSINGER: Oh, OK.
CALLER: It was the younger generation —
SCHLESSINGER: All right. All right.
CALLER: — that did it.
SCHLESSINGER: Chip on your shoulder. I can’t do much about that.
CALLER: It’s not like that.
SCHLESSINGER: Yeah. I think you have too much sensitivity —
CALLER: So it’s OK to say “nigger”?
SCHLESSINGER: — and not enough sense of humor.
CALLER: It’s OK to say that word?
SCHLESSINGER: It depends how it’s said.
CALLER: Is it OK to say that word? Is it ever OK to say that word?
SCHLESSINGER: It’s — it depends how it’s said. Black guys talking to each other seem to think it’s OK.
CALLER: But you’re not black. They’re not black. My husband is white.
SCHLESSINGER: Oh, I see. So, a word is restricted to race. Got it. Can’t do much about that.
CALLER: I can’t believe someone like you is on the radio spewing out the “nigger” word, and I hope everybody heard it.
SCHLESSINGER: I didn’t spew out the “nigger” word.
CALLER: You said, “Nigger, nigger, nigger.”
SCHLESSINGER: Right, I said that’s what you hear.
CALLER: Everybody heard it.
SCHLESSINGER: Yes, they did.
CALLER: I hope everybody heard it.
SCHLESSINGER: They did, and I’ll say it again —
CALLER: So what makes it OK for you to say the word?
SCHLESSINGER: — nigger, nigger, nigger is what you hear on HB —
CALLER: So what makes it —
SCHLESSINGER: Why don’t you let me finish a sentence?
CALLER: OK.
SCHLESSINGER: Don’t take things out of context. Don’t double N — NAACP me. Tape the —
CALLER: I know what the NAACP —
SCHLESSINGER: Leave them in context.
CALLER: I know what the N-word means and I know it came from a white person. And I know the white person made it bad.
SCHLESSINGER: All right. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Can’t have this argument. You know what? If you’re that hypersensitive about color and don’t have a sense of humor, don’t marry out of your race. If you’re going to marry out of your race, people are going to say, “OK, what do blacks think? What do whites think? What do Jews think? What do Catholics think?” Of course there isn’t a one-think per se. But in general there’s “think.”
And what I just heard from Jade is a lot of what I hear from black-think — and it’s really distressting [sic] and disturbing. And to put it in its context, she said the N-word, and I said, on HBO, listening to black comics, you hear “nigger, nigger, nigger.” I didn’t call anybody a nigger. Nice try, Jade. Actually, sucky try.
Need a sense of humor, sense of humor — and answer the question. When somebody says, “What do blacks think?” say, “This is what I think. This is what I read that if you take a poll the majority of blacks think this.” Answer the question and discuss the issue. It’s like we can’t discuss anything without saying there’s -isms?
We have to be able to discuss these things. We’re people — goodness gracious me. Ah — hypersensitivity, OK, which is being bred by black activists. I really thought that once we had a black president, the attempt to demonize whites hating blacks would stop, but it seems to have grown, and I don’t get it. Yes, I do. It’s all about power. I do get it. It’s all about power and that’s sad because what should be in power is not power or righteousness to do good — that should be the greatest power.

Note: I have done a search and replace and will use KrazyKunt for the rest of this post to refer to Dr. Laura. Why?

First, her degree isn’t in anything to do with clinical counseling, so I don’t like calling her Dr.

Second, it creeps me out to just call her Laura.

Third, I can’t remember how to spell Sshlesshingher.

Fourth, she’s a KrazyKunt.

Media Matters also has the audio of the call, and the audio is worse than the transcript. If you’ve listened to KrazyKunt, you know how she frequently drips sneering contempt on those she takes an instant dislike to. Imagine KrazyKunt at her Dr. Evil best and that’s how the call went.

One of the worst things about KK is how she jumps to conclusions, pounces on innocent people asking for help and then jettisons them bleeding to deal on their own with her little hate-burst. So this isn’t like KK is behaving out of character jumping on this woman for no good reason. This is by no means the worst thing the psycho bitch has done to vulnerable, nice people who call her for help and instead get a scorpion tossed at them. But it is racist, so now we’re finally going to do something about it.

Let’s keep in mind that this woman who called is a KK LISTENER. So that means she has a few problems of her own, but it still means that she’s probably very conservative, responsible and traditional. And I have to applaud her for her dignity and patience. Probably, this woman’s used to dealing with shit like this from being around her feckless husband and his moronic passive-aggressive friends. Still, there’s no excuse for how she was treated. KK can try to apologize all she wants, but she’s been abusing multiple callers like this every night for years. She won’t live long enough to write all the apologies she really should write.

And, in full disclosure, I agree subtantively with several of the abstract points that KrazyKunt made. I’m sick and tired of blacks casually using the word nigger and making it a neutron bomb for everyone else.  But I still laugh my ass off at Boondocks and Chris Rock when I really should get All Outraged and write Letters and tell them to Stop. I’m a wicked hypocritical white man. I find time to post stuff like this, so you’d think I could find time to write to HBO and tell them to Stop.

Regardless, it’s calculating bullshit on black peoples’ part. Any black person who flaunts the word nigger in front of white people should be called on the carpet, period. Just as hard as that guy from Seinfeld was. Black people say nigger in front of white people for the same reasons  your mom stuck a thermometer up your butt when you were a baby. To take your temperature or because she knew you didn’t like it. It’s how blacks know they’re still successfully guilting Non-Racist Whites–we don’t have the guts to call them on obnoxious crap like this.

Nigger would have gone the way of Polack were it not for black people fanning the flames, keeping it alive, nurturing it and using it for social advantage. None of which matters right now, but the last thing anyone needs is some stupid white person defending KK on technicalities. So let’s all acknowledge that KK spewed some points that better people than her have made, like me, but that wasn’t the point.

Because what’s wrong with what KrazyKunt said is the venom and the glee. KK sided with racist yahoos harassing a nice black woman in front of her gelded husband.  KK jumped, like static electricity jumps, from this woman’s legitimate dilemma to a political rant that she’d been suppressing with as much difficulty as a woman trying to suppress the urge to pop a zit on her boyfriend’s back. (How’s that for a great mixed metaphor?)

And KK didn’t  just say nigger. She said nigger nigger nigger.  Over and over. And in her patented, trademarked Cuntempt Voice.  And she told the woman to go fuck herself and stay with her own kind if she can’t take a little mean-spirited shit from her husband’s hillbilly friends. (You know who’s the worst person in all this? That woman’s husband. What a piece of phlegm he is. I hope she divorces him.)

Now, to go out on a high note, for years, I’ve played a Dr. Laura party game that cracks people up and that I now want to share with the world.

It’s simple, fun and creative. Make up sentences like these–

If Dr. Laura were wanting to make up with someone, she’d be cunt-ciliatory.

If Dr. Laura got in an argument with somebody, she’d be cunt-tentious.

If Dr. Laura were to ask you to agree to something, she’d want your cunt-sent.

It’s a lot funnier verbally than in writing. It appalls my wife, but it cracks everyone else up. I’ve got hundreds of them, but I’ll let you have the fun of discovering more on your own.

Here’s a new one:

If Dr. Laura were a black slave, she’d be Cunta Kinte…

UPDATE: OFG OMG.

(That means Oh Fucking Great Oh My God.)

Remember what I was saying about how the last thing anyone needs is some stupid white person defending KK on a techniKKality?

I post this, go to read today’s news and there’s Sarah Palin cheerleading for Dr. Laura on twitter, using 4 instead of for and 2 instead of to in posts that aren’t near 140 characters, and otherwise proving her IQ isn’t much higher then her slutty daughter Bristol’s.

Oh, and Republicans like Sarah Palin more than any other candidate they can think of to run for President in 2012. Maybe Republicans are as fucking stupid as Democrats say.

Remember when last year Fox News pulled off a coup and got Sarah on the payroll as a special something or other? How often have you seen her on the channel since her first few floundering appearances? Hey Republicans, what do you think that means?

Nonetheless, I have to admit, “Sarah Palin for President. Boy, I’d like to fuck her!” is a great bumper sticker.

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