Pigs Fly

Alaskan Senator Lisa Murkowski, a Republican legacy, is in a primary death match with Joe Miller, the Sarah Palin-anointed out-of-nowhere challenger.

Miller, by all accounts so far, is a smart, serious guy with, as La Palin put it, “a great resume” and Murkowski is a second generation legacy incumbent Senator who stands for everything that revolts us about the Republican establishment. Seriously, she’s Nancy Pelosi in Marie Antoinette drag.

Murkowski’s  dad appointed her to his own Senate seat after winning as Alaska’s governor in 2002. This isn’t just nepotism, it’s political incest.

Even if Miller doesn’t unseat Marie A. Murkowski, this is a priceless election. Priceless like all those Internet parodies of the mastercard campaign.

Because A.M. Murkowski, a standard issue princess RINO, anticipating defeat, has quietly reached out to the Libertarian Party in Alaska, asking their candidate to step aside and anoint her in case she loses the Republican primary so she can still elbow her privileged way into the general election.

The current Libertarian candidate, starstruck, entered talks. The Libertarian establishment, horrified and delighted, told her to go fuck herself. And then leaked it.

Murkowski denies all this. She’s a liar.

I actually have seen how this works, having been involved in Libertarian Party politics when I was young and foolish.

Here’s what happens: the Democrats and the Republicans reach out to the spoiler parties who could make all the difference in a close election. From my lofty vantage point of controlling 2% of the vote as a federal candidate, I sure got my cock sucked a lot, mostly by Republicans. This is actually what keeps the third parties going: gratuitous blowjobs from people they hate. It makes you feel righteous, powerful and relaxed all at the same time.

Each major party has operatives whose job is to coopt the political dimbulbs in the minor parties into neutralizing their members, or, if they get lucky, and find a minor candidate party leader who really likes blowjobs, swing their members in a 2%-inch circle and encourage them to vote for the lesser of 2  evils because this time it really matters.

Inducing loathing, not just rejection, of the other major party candidate is the goal.  The message is “I may be a bastard, but he’s a child molester.” They actually spend quite a bit of money on open bars and friendly women to make minor party candidates implicitly join up on one side or another.  If there’s one thing the major parties believe in: every vote counts.

The new thing here is Barbie Lisa Marie Antoinette  “Mom on Arrested Development” Mulkowski is trying not only to coopt the Libertarians but is looking to them as a fallout shelter. The Republican brand is so fucked now that she has the desperate thought that she could win as a Libertarian based purely on hemophilic privilege and a “Let them eat cake” platform.

I love it that this is happening in Alaska and in Florida where Charlie Jesus H.  Crist is trying the same kind of play. From sea to shining sea I’m loving watching RINOs bolt.

I hope Miller wins. I hope all of Palin’s picks win.

Palin’s a lot like that octopus that picked the soccer world tournament athletic cup thing. You may not want an Alaskan octopus to run for President, but she’s pretty damn good at picking winners!


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