Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Why Don’t You All Just Go to Hell?

Obama has betrayed gays. Not that they don’t deserve it. What a bunch of special interest pouting punks the gay rights movement has turned into.

Obama has never supported gay marriage. Gays who swooned for Obama are as stupid as chicks in the 1930’s who swooned for socialism and communism. At least 30’s chicks got laid a lot by alpha-socialists for believing.

The Left gives a shit not about women’s rights, gay rights, free speech or poor people. What they care about is taking things over. Leftists believe in only one thing: If I were running things….

They seduce stupid resentful people and promise them a white picket fence. Most politically active gays are stupid resentful people.

Anyhow, I’m about to defend gays, and I want to be sure that gays don’t think I’m softening (har! har!) on how I think that gay activism is little more than assholeyer-than-thou (har! har!) special interest special pleading.

Obama and his cronies are notorious for their contempt for the rule of law. If you need a YouTube moment to get this, just look at the tape of Obama’s diss of the Supreme Court at his State of the Union for voting in a way that didn’t help Democrats.  The Obama justice department doesn’t give a shit about Black Panther voter intimidation cases, but suddenly they get Rule of Law Jesus when it comes to duct taping the mouths of gay soldiers.

I don’t know why Obama doesn’t like gays except when he wants to use them for votes. I’m sure it’s not because he’s culturally black. No way could it be because blacks are almost as anti-gay as they are anti-eating-pussy. Those are stereotypes that have nothing to do with reality.

So I will propose some alternate things that I feel like proposing.

What exactly would happen if gays in the military were allowed to tell? How would they tell? Would they send their squad-mates invitations to a whine and cheese party with their life-partner? Would they confess under fire about to die that they’d been checking eveyone’s asses out ever since basic, and I just want you guys to know that you have the best asses I’ve ever served under, now let’s go kill us some gooks/hadjis? Would they suddenly break out in song, a la Glee?

There are a lot of gays in the military. There are a lot of guys in the military who didn’t know they were gay until they were in the military. I’m guessing, 2% of the military is gay. I mean 2% of the guys. 20% of the women. 

Look at all the statistics about percentage of gays in society, and percentage of gays who’d be attracted to an environment where they got to shower with in-shape guys a lot, and percentage of gays for whom even that isn’t enough incentive, and pulling a number out of my butt (har! har!)  let’s go with 2%. One in fifty guys in the military is checking out another guy’s ass in the shower and not asking not telling wink wink nudge nudge.

Since Clinton’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” we haven’t had a huge breakdown in military morale. We’ve had quite a few years to wait for the other rhinestoned pump to drop. Say it again: there are a ton of gays in the military and it hasn’t diverted a drone yet.

Now, if we abolish DADT, what are we likely to hear nex in the showerst? Crickets? Or gay privates suddenly jumping out of of cakes singing songs from The Rocky Horror Picture Show?

All the gays who are currently not asking and not telling are already in the military. Either people suspect or these gays are so well-behaved that they don’t even shower-slip.

Do you really think that hetero army guys are sitting around going, Thank Christ for “don’t ask me, don’t tell me” because I don’t want to know whether or not I’m surrounded by queers? My morale is so much improved by not knowing who’s got my back or who wants my bohind. What if it’s both?

The notion that acknowledging that there are a lot of gays in the military will turn every barracks into the set of Glee is asinine.  Lifting the prohibition will embolden a few crazy queers to end their careers. I bet 98% of gays still don’t tell, even if Clinton and Obama don’t tell them not to anymore.

There is no credible argument that ending “Don’t ask, don’t tell” will in any way jeopardize our military effectiveness. If the Israelis have been able to put up with fighting faggots, I think we might be able to manage it too.

On the other hand, is this the hill we must all die on? Is it really that important for us to make the military homo-friendly? Of all the issues we face, does this one really matter most? Even to gays?

Sure, we’ve all heard about how every Arabic-fluent translator in the military  was gay and they were all drummed out. Forgive me if I think that’s an urban legend.

Last time I looked, most gay people had jobs and 401K’s and more important issues than dressing up like G.I. Joe and screaming “I’m here, I’m queer, bounce a quarter off of it!”

Gay people have come a million years in the last 30 years in America regardless of AIDS. Really, think about this: just like Americans didn’t go after Muslims after 9/11, we didn’t go after gays about AIDS.  The ingratitude from both those groups about both those facts shows something. I won’t say what right now.

Grossed-out conservative moms and dads have manned up and accepted their gay children. The rest of us have gone fag hag and we think gay is cool. I don’t know a woman anymore who isn’t a fag hag.

I’m tired of American gays who still are ACT-ing all oppressed. It was horrible what happened to Matthew Shepherd and it was exceptional even when it happened in 1998. Gays have won what they needed to win, regardless of whether they can put a rainbow decal on their footlocker in the barracks.

But Barack Obama doesn’t like gays. Barack’s here, you’re queer, good fucking luck.


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