How to Help Libyans

You can’t.

We shouldn’t waste money on them. The Japanese deserve all our help. The Japanese won’t squander it.

The Libyan rebels are assholes. Our only justification for helping them is that Kaddaffy is a bigger, better asshole. In countries where King of the Asshole Hill is the only game worth playing, everyone who plays deserves to lose. That goes for Egypt, Barfrain, Yemen, Noclitistan, and anywhere else that Islam is taken seriously by more than 1% of the population.

Kaddaffy is only more successful, not less of an asshole than the rebels are. At least Kaddaffy embodies the Western virtues of ambition and liking hot blondes.

If everyone in Libya were bombed into oblivion, it would a humanitarian hiccup, and less a loss to humanity than any of the last several tsunamis. Not advocatin’ it, just sayin’ it. And you know I’m right.

At the last second, it looks like Hilary Clinton has gotten President Toonces attention, distracting him from basketball and bullying by waving a ball of resignation catnip in his stupid big-eared secret-smoker male model face, and the UN is going to now do something or other. Lotsa people died while Toonces filled out his NCAA picks.

Barack Obama is a tool with a diagnosable personality disorder. That’s about all we’ll learn from this.

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