Whores

Ahnold Schwarzenegger, John Edwards, Eliott Spitzer, Bill Clinton…what do all these cheaters have in common?

They married whores.

Their whore wives married cads, of course. But there are plenty of other people taking care of the cad-bashing. So I’ll take up the distaff side.

What is a whore? A whore is a woman who capitalizes on her sexuality for economic gain. By this definition, the majority of women are whores, or at least whore-wannabe’s.  Sorry, ladies, if the fuck-me pump fits, and a man paid for it, or you used it to get a man to pay for lobster, you’re a whore.

Being a whore isn’t the worst thing in the world. The hypocrisy about it is kind of annoying though.

It may seem in bad taste for me to call Elizabeth Edwards a whore. She is the worst whore of the 4 whore-wives I mentioned above. She just proves that whores are not immune from cancer. And, come on, look at those two…EE was either a skilled whore or willing to do highly specific things that most whores won’t do. Given what a feckless freak John Edwards is, I’m betting the latter. I’ll bet Elizabeth did things that John hasn’t yet dared broach to Reilly. And, I’m betting that whatever’s on that sex tape is really embarrassing, like cigar-up-Monica embarrassing.

Let’s distinguish whorishness from hypergamy. Women are attracted to male alpha-ness like men are attracted to female hottiness. That’s not what I’m talking about here. Whorishness is not about attraction but about calculation. Anna Nicole and her 90 year old husband–she’s a whore. Maria Shriver attracted to Ahnold–not a proven whore, until recently.

It’s hard to tell hypergamy from whorishness, especially with rich & famous couples till there’s a publicly-disclosed infidelity. That’s when the whore puts on her longsuffering victim makeup, and stands by her john.

I totally get it that hypergamously-successful women might not have started out as whores. But as they age and their prospects, estrogen levels and boobs droop, and as their alpha husbands stay on their upward trajectory, well, SPLAT. Hypergamy curdles into whorishness.

What’s most interesting about the 4 head cases I mentioned in line 1 of this post is how not-alpha they behaved when busted. But I’ll save my thoughts about that for another post.

What the hell did Hilary, Elizabeth, Maria and whatever the hell her name is who married Spitzer expect? Unicorns and rainbows? Oh, yeah, that’s exactly what they expected.

Stuck on stupid they were, yes, so think I. </Yoda>

They all ended up as whores, at an age long after most whores have long retired. Elizabeth and Maria and Hilary each helped cover up their husbands’ affairs to advance their careers. I find it very hard to believe that whatsername who married Spitzer was a marital mushroom either, though I have no facts about her journey to whoredom. I just saw her plant her hotel on Whore Avenue, so I’m assuming.

I won’t say which of these sad sacks I think started out as whores. Except Elizabeth Edwards. EE was born a ho. I feel about her like Christopher Hitchens feels about Mother Teresa.

Each of these women, along with being a whore, is worse, morally, than her philandering husband. Think about it. It’s not the crime, it’s the coverup.

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