Just saw Congresscritter Wiener Weiner getting grilled all day long.

At least he’s smart enough to refuse to answer whether that’s him in his dingy drawers. If he admits it, the next question is, why did you take that picture? And if he says he didn’t, then who did? the miniature troll sitting on his cell phone while he had it pointed at his dick?

Now he says he wasn’t Hacked! He was Pranked!

What he was Punked!  Maybe Ashton Kutcher could step up and say so, even if it’s not true. (My wife suggested that. She’s occasionally reading this blog over my shoulder these days, probably trying to head off additional subpoenas.)

UPDATE: The New York Post has posted pics of several barely legal chicks that Weiner was “following.” What’s the diff between following and stalking again? I saw a picture of the chick in Washington that Weiner wiener-tweeted. Now, at least, we know Weiner’s type and it’s a pretty good type. Long-haired brunettes who look kind of Asian. Me, I’m partial to Italian brunettes, but get what you’re sendin’ out, Ant-man.

A lot has been said about the fact that Weiner was following 200 tweeters. But most of them were things like the Washington Post and Nancy Pelosi. When you filter out all the politics and left-wing BS, there’s a high percentage of girls who’d fit right into a “me love you long time!” fantasy. At least Weiner has better sexual taste than Bill Clinton, who presided over Weiner’s wedding 3 months ago.

Unless this story gets an order of magnitude more delicious, here’s my last shot: Weiner is obviously a pathological liarwho believes no more in the downtrodden whose causes he espouses than in what he’s saying today. In fact, he threw the downtrodden under the bus today, along with Clarence Thomas, trying to get clear.

The fact is that Weiner fucked up. Well, he tried to fuck up, in the same sense as “marrying up” by mashing on hot chicks he didn’t know who were way above his pay grade. I’ll give him props for taste, if not sense, but let’s remember, he’s been married 3 months. I’d say 3 FUCKING months, but obviously not. He’ll be divorced ASAP since this story isn’t going away. So he’s of no more use to the Clinton apparatchick with whom he so recently soiled the beleaguered institution of marriage. Perhaps only gays should be allowed to get married for a while.

No, I don’t feel sorry for his wife. There’s something deeply wrong with her or she wouldn’t be married to him.

UPDATE 2016: Weiner and Huma remain legally joined in holy matrimony. Obviously, Huma got advice from Hillary about how to make this work.

I’m not supposed to say cunt anymore on this blog, but seriously no other word works.

Anthony Weiner is a Cunt.

Whose limited brain power deserted him in the face of the remembered humiliation of accidentally sending the picture at the top of this post to EVERYONE instead of just to one of the hot college girls that he thought he was close to closing the deal with. And the hot chick is now pissed off since she’s found out he was trying to reel in half a dozen other girls who looked just like her. At first she deleted her accounts, tried to help a Wiener out, but then he made the mistake of trying to throw her under the bus too.  And she’s fighting back.  Now whose wiener is under the bus?

So why does any of this matter?

Because Weiner is angling for big-time political power and the only reason he seeks power is so he can use it to put his penis in girls who look like Lucy Liu. He doesn’t care about the poor. Or Obamacare. Or even Clarence Thomas. He’s consumed with trying to bang girls who wouldn’t talk to him two decades ago.

Weiner is exactly the kind of pathological bacterium that we need to Lysol if this country is to have any hope.

Hey, Obama administration, in case you missed it, that sentence about should count as another death threat. If you find Weiner duct-taped in a congressional elevator with a can of Lysol stuck up his butt still with that expression of ultimate pleasure on his face, I’m confessing in advance. I’ll be the fat 51 year old disguised as a svelte 21 year old hopping a plane to Panama.

Non-metaphorically, I’m bringing Purelle and Lysol next time any Obamanistas come to town. I’m not even showing up at your rally to harass you. Just spraying Lysol and squirting Purelle in a cleansing ceremony outside my house because you brought your putrid entourage within 50 miles of my house. Can’t wait for my liberal friends to ask what I’m doing and trying to figure out whether they have to respect my ancestral purification ceremony.

While I know I have violated the letter of my non-scatological pledge in this post, I don’t think I’ve violated the spirit. I think I’ve struck the appropriate balance between the warranted, the avoidable and the necessary. I have deleted multiple filthy adjectives that added more to my amusement than to the discussion. Where possible, I’ve read again and replaced bad words with ones that a 5th grader’s mom wouldn’t cavil at. Occasionally, I’ve tried to avoid sentences that most people wouldn’t finish a preposition with.

UPDATE: Ok, I didn’t delete all the dirty words I actually could have. So I made another pass today and cleaned it up some more. Yep, that’s right, this post is now what I look like minding my P’s and Q’s. See, I really am trying to be a respectable citizen. But it’s hard. I mean, difficult.

Just now, re-reading this, I was struck by the sudden image of me exiting the elevator, leaving behind a bound and ball-gagged Weiner writhing in ecstasy. I turn, in slow motion, as the door has almost closed, pulling a .22 zip gun from my pocket, and fire at the last half-inch of Lysol can still visible, thus producing a Roy Scheider at the end of Jaws effect, but I don’t even get splashed because I timed it so well and the door closed just in time. Roll credits on The Wiener.


2 Responses to Pranked!

  1. tfp says:

    So, I’ve been reading a lot about this sleazebag the last few days (but not much in the MSM of course) and you’ve got this situation analyzed right up there with the best of them. This is too good for a private rant blog. You should be getting paid, not subpoenaed, for this kind of stuff! I’d put this right below Iowahawk’s take and above Steyn’s. That’s some pretty august company! Seriously funny, without minimizing just how seriously screwed we are with these clowns running the show.

  2. Scipio says:

    I accept your kudos.

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