I. Opt. Out.

Beating a dead horse here, but just want to be really clear.

If you meekly go through one of the TSA backscatter machines next time you fly the friendly skies, you are a horrible, useless, worthless, feckless fuck. You don’t deserve to live in America.

If 10% of us opted out of going through the machines, it would clog the TSA like cheese fed to a dog.

Opting out will delay you 10 minutes. Of course, if 10% opt out, everyone will get delayed hours and the TSA will knock it off.

My wife is kind of mad at me because she’s too chicken to opt out and I tell her she has no business voting because of this dereliction. Hilariously, she got gate-raped last time we flew, despite her submission, for having something suspicious in her pocketsses.

This is not the first time I have said to my wife that she shouldn’t be allowed to vote. Seriously, like most women, she’s a menace to society when she goes into the voting booth, which she seldom does. Thank Christ. The only reason we’re not all living in Hugo Chavez Venezuala is because only angry women vote. The rest shop.

UPDATE 2016. Still married. Still think my wife is brilliant (she has an Ivy League degree, I never graduated college) and I still think women voting is pretty much why Western civilization is dying.  Suffrage was a fatal mistake. Because she’s cute, she got treated with kid gloves recently by TSA for having a tactical knife and pepper spray in her carry on. To make it clear about TSA, they didn’t detect this on our flight out, only on our way back in. I told her to toss the pepper spray and mail back the knife, which cost me about $70. Chicks.

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