Gate Rape

If you fly on airplanes at airports in America, you have to go through security. They’ll put you in this weird revolving tube and make you raise your hands above your head while they hit you with lots of radiation, not enough radiation to make you into the Incredible Hulk or Spider-man.

Unless you say three little words and then you don’t get irradiated: I opt out.

The weird tube will give you a lot of radiation, so much that I hope you get a really painful cancer if you put up with them making you do this. Except for my wife. I don’t want her to get cancer. She puts up with this shit and and she still got gate-raped after getting irradiated because she had a dryer sheet in her pocket. I thought that was pretty funny, since I wore a kilt and Hello Kitty panties and opted out, and I got less hassled than she did.

Lesson learned: I could have had 84 pounds of C-4 tucked into my Hello Kitty panties and nobody with a penis at TSA wanted to find out what I was packing. My panties were TSA-agent-kryptonite. Islamic terrorists, here’s how you do it.

What we do know, from how my wife got got gate-raped and how Amy Alkon got gate-raped, is that I should get a TSA job so I can feel up random women whenever I want to. Seriously, TSA agents are “randomly” feeling up hot girls whenever they want to. What a great job!

Amy Alkon, the awesome girl who’s The Advice Goddess, is getting sued by some ugly TSA bitch for $500K for saying “raped” while getting finger-banged by said ugly TSA bitch.

How do I know the TSA bitch is ugly? Because everyone working for TSA is ugly, stupid and has a mustache.

Is there a TSA requirement that you must be “not fuckable” to get hired?

Maybe I could get a job at TSA. I’d have to grow a mustache.

Thedala Magee is the name of the psycho horrible bitch who’s suing Amy Alkon. I don’t know whether Thedala Magee is doing this because she’s a horrible cunt who watches too much “sue everybody” TV before she goes to work at her horrible government job or whether her overlords at her horrible government job told her to do it. I  suspect the latter.

Either way, I hope Thedala Magee gets killed in a crosswalk. I hope she falls through the social safety-net and gets impaled on a sharp stick.

Now the important stuff…

Obama’s fascist brigades are taking these same TSA backscatter machines on the road. Literally. They’re scanning parked cars, looking for guns in your glove boxes and other suspicious things. No warrants, no nothing, just driving down city streets, backscattering to their police state heart’s content. They’re randomly setting it up in bus and train stations. They’re randomly irradiating you so they can see what’s in your pockets and laugh at at your fat asses and skinny wee-wee’s.

So let me be completely clear.

This is the rape of the 4th Amendment. If you don’t get this, you deserve to have a guy with an 8 dollar an hour job stick an 8 cent glove up your butt.

If you voluntarily go to an airport and voluntarily go through a backscatter machine because you are afraid of missing your flight, you are a gutless wonder and unworthy of American citizenship. I hope they load you on a Buchenwald-bound train. Except my wife. She’s kind of a retard about this kind of stuff. Love is exception-making.

Just to be really really fucking clear, my wife is one of you. I love her to death, but she shouldn’t be allowed to vote. She’s almost as stupid as the average Democrat when it comes to politics. She’s constitutionally incapable of understanding Constitutional principles. Thank Christ she doesn’t read this blog. She doesn’t read anything that Oprah doesn’t recommend or that doesn’t have a fucking beach scene on the cover or that isn’t titled [noun] [preposition] [food noun] or [Meaningless Phrase That Sounds Kinda Sad].

Bottom line: if you don’t say “I opt out” when TSA tries to send you through their machine, you’re not even trying to be a human being. Unless you’re a girl. We’ll give girls a pass here. Aristotle was right. The 19th Amendment was wrong.

Good luck finding a woman who knows what the 19th Amendment is.


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