Hostages Who Suck

Let me be the first to say that I’m NOT happy the two dumbass hiker guys who got kidnaped by Iran have been released.

Like the Argentinian miners, they’ve managed to quickly make the rest of us wish they’d just been buried alive.

First thing the hiking douchecbags did was hold a press conference and bitch about Guantonamo Bay. You’d think even the stupidest liberal douchebag, given 2 years in an Iranian prison, would realize that there is a difference between us and them, but you’d be wrong.

$1.5 million was paid in ransom to get these three idiots back (one guy’s girlfriend was released early after a $500K down payment). The government of Oman was the bagman for the last $1 million. Thank god we have the well-financed and credible mainstream traditional media to ask important questions like who paid for the release, what favors were exchanged behind the scenes and why the fuck we should pay off Iran for kidnaping our citizens instead of us kidnaping their president Ahmahandjob or whatever his name is while he’s in New York this week. I’ll bet we could get $5 to send him back.

This is just one more way in which Muslims are like the Mafia. Kidnaping and hostage taking for money.  Islam isn’t so much a religion as a squabbling crime family culture. Corleone, Tattaglia, Barzini. Sunni, Shia, Sufi. Larry, Moe, Curly.

It’s gauche to ask, what the hell were you three fuckwads thinking when you went hiking? I’m nothing if not gauche, so I’ll ask. What were you three fuckwads thinking, and I use the word thinkng loosely?

I’ll bet these three idiots were upper-class anti-American leftist asshats financed by money from previous generations expressing some dumb-ass political opinion or another by expressing solidarity or something by hiking in an indigenous area infested with indigenous people. Peoples.

I want to know who really paid their ransoms and why.

UPDATE: These two douchebags have now publicly thanked Hugo Chavez, Desmond Tutu, Cindy Sheehan , Noam Chomsky and Sean Penn for intervening on their behalf. Still no word on who put up the million and a half dollars Iran got paid.

It’s looking like Chavez brokered the deal.

One of the douchebags lists his occupation as “free lance journalist” and the other as “environmentalist.” Just checked my thesaurus for these terms and the only thing listed was “asshole.” I don’t know what these 3 stooges, or useful idiots, were really doing when the Iranians grabbed them. They weren’t where they were just because they saw a picture in National Geographic and just had to go. As people with common sense say, “They were asking for it.”

These three little shits are the American moral equivalent of Muslim terrorists. They’re upper class brats with some kind of a bone to pick who glom on to some asinine romantic salvational ideology and then become a huge pain in the ass to everyone else.

How can I say that three little Whole Foods-shopping, Birkenstock-wearing shits who probably put spiders outside they find in their bathroom are the moral equivalent of terrorists? Well, the little shits said that Guantanomo Bay was the moral equivalent of Iranian prisons. I’m playing by their rules.

I want to strap them all on JDAMs and drop them on Tehran.

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