Pink Slime, RIP

A horrible little bitch celebrity chef, Jamie Oliver, went ballistic over “pink slime” in ground beef recently. We’ve all been eating “pink slime” for years. Especially you morons who want 90% lean hamburger. You idiots are going to pay a lot more for your lean rabbit meat than you used to.

“Pink slime” aka LFTB (lean finely textured beef) is bits and pieces of cow parts rendered and added to hamburger to cheaply make it more lean. To make sure that it’s sterile it is either exposed to an ammonia gas or mixed with citric acid.

Cargill, the pre-eminent producer of LFTB in the USA has had to lay off nearly 700 people since TLBJO (That Little Bitch Jaime Oliver) went on his ooh! ick! rant.

Cargill uses (used to use) citric acid, not ammonia, to sterilize LFTB. I didn’t see a single lamestream media outlet say that. Instead, they talked only about ammonia, which sounds much grosser. It’s not, by the way. You’ve been eating this forever and going yum yum. Whether ammonia gas or citric acid is used, tastes the same is safe the same. You can’t tell, you’ve never been able to tell.

That’s right, American pink slime really is lean beef of indeterminate composition mixed with a little bit of lemon juice. If you eat hot dogs or sausage, really, stop your bitching. LFTB is way less worse than hot dogs and sausages. Even the FDA agrees it’s a good idea to use LFTB in hamburger. You’re getting a little bit of filet mignon and the occasional heart tissue mixed with your burger. It’s good for you, idiot. It’s more nutritious. Come the apocalypse, pink slime might keep you alive.

As for citric acid, have a coke and some citric acid. Or some commercial ice cream. It’s in damn near everything.

So here’s what really happened: that horrible little foodie bazillioniare Jamie Oliver just cost 700 hard-working Americans their jobs. Aided and abetted by NBC, CBS and ABC. And all you idiots who went ooh! ick! ….  You jackasses just got a significant price hike for hamburger at the grocery store. You deserve it. I don’t. Nice job, you finicky assholes. And you got 700 American workers fired for no reason. Feel good now?

You and TLBJO should send those Cargill un-employees their un-employment checks, but you won’t because you’re stupid douchebags who shit where you eat and then move on. My taxes will go up to pay for what you did. As usual.

This is a minor story. And a major parable.

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