Money for Nothing

Here’s a little Friday afternoon I-don’t-think-I-can-concentrate-on-work-anymore just-for-fun arithmetic about the US dollar equivalent $400,000,000 the Obama apparatchicks just paid directly to the Iranian terrorist masterminds as ransom for 4 hostages.

All of it in physical, unmarked bills, none of them dollars, because that’s still illegal. I wonder if the bank they got the money from had to report the transaction to the IRS?
Of course, it wasn’t a ransom, just a cosmic coincidence that never happens except in chick-flicks, that the $400 million and the hostages crossed paths that night.

Iranian media, months ago, said it was a ransom. Barack Obama, yesterday, said it was not. Who are you going to believe? Your own President or the Iranians? I suggest you believe Barack Obama when he says the Iranians can be trusted.

There were reports that the money was forklifted into a cargo plane shrink-wrapped on multiple pallets. Iranian TV even showed a purported pallet. Donald Trump mistakenly thought B-roll of a plane landing that was run behind a news story was of the money being unloaded from the cargo plane. There was video of a guy carting a huge duffel bag down the steps of the plane. Silly Donald. Had he just done the arithmetic I did this afternoon, he’d never have said something that dumb.

A single piece of US paper money weighs about a gram. That’s a little more than 20 pounds per million dollars in US $100 bills. So let’s assume the ransom was paid in US $100 bills (it would kind of defeat the whole purpose of “unmarked” to pay it in a higher denomination, wouldn’t it?) I know you can tell where this is going, so I’ll just cut to the chase:

Because the ransom was paid in various crappy foreign currencies, it’s unlikely the actual tonnage of the payment was less than had it been paid in $100 bills. It’s likely that it was actually double, triple or more. Estimating conservatively (intelligently) as opposed to liberally (credulously), the ransom payment weighed at least 4 tons and could have been piled into a single 15 foot cube, if you had a forklift the size of a monster truck.

If you shrink-wrapped five foot cubes of cash on each pallet, each weighing a bit more than 300 pounds, you’d only need a few more than two dozen pallets. Still, no way in hell would that many pallets of that size fit on the plane Trump saw. What a maroon! Can’t he do arithmetic?

Meanwhile, Democrats believe that this whole sordid affair was a star-crossed “meet cute” romance.

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