Yeah, that was funny, funny once . . .

April 18, 2017

“Yeah, that was funny once…” was the way me and my brothers and our compadres told each other to knock it off with repeating a joke that had become tiresome, from repetition. Kids will ride any verbal horse till it dies or their friends shoot it out from under them.

Every week, for how many months now? a lot of months, Saturday Night Live has been opening their show by broadly lampooning the Trump administration.  It’s relentless. Every damn week, same thing. Relentless isn’t funny. It’s starting to remind me of the episode of Game of Thrones where Joffrey got poisoned just after making the dwarves all dress up and lampoon his enemies.

Now that Trump is less and less lampoonable as the issues get more and more serious, they’re after his hapless press secretary Sean Spicer.

Instead of Alec Baldwin thinking that making duck lips and bobbing his head like a chicken pecking grain is a spot-on imitation of Trump, we have Melissa McCarthy thinking that getting a really butch dyed haircut and using an angry mean monotone yell is a good imitation of Sean Spicer.

This week, to express reverence for Easter, McCarthy came out in a bunny suit and took the head off to show everyone her HI-larious Spicer coif. This was because they had a picture of Spicer dressing up as a bunny a decade or so ago at a White House easter egg hunt.  This was not played on SNL as a cute, aww, look at a dad doing something cool for the kids, but to ridicule him.

Here’s the transcript of what I saw of the Melissa McCarthy as Spicer act this morning on CBS News:

“You all got your wish this week didn’t you? Spicey finally made a mistake. As we all know, President Trump recently bombed Syria while eating the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake America has ever laid eyes on. That’s a fact!

“It would be really great if the nitpickers would try to see the big picture and didn’t solely focus on every little lie or slur I say. That would be nice!”

After that clip, Gayle King, faux-acting like laughing at this is a guilty pleasure, said “But it’s so entertaining!”

No it’s not.

What if I dressed up like Pocahontas and pretended to be Elizabeth Warren? It takes 2 minutes for anybody do a similarly “funny” lampooning of Fauxcahontas:

“Now everybody shut up because I’m about to apologize. Yeah, you thought it could never happen to me, Liawatha! You thought I was pure Native American Nobility, which I am, partly.  A bit. Maybe. Fight fiercely, Harvard! As we all know that little Bitch McConnell made me sit down and shut up after I’d violated Senate rules of decorum. Decorum, my Cherokee ass! Who needs stupid shit like decorum? Republican turkey necks who are afraid of strong, nasty, riesty, yeasty beastie women like ME! That’s who needs decorum!

“So, I’m really truly sorry  . . . that you’re a pasty little white bitch, Mitch!  I got your decorum right here mostly festering under my squaw thong!”

I wrote that literally as fast as I typed it, and it’s nothing but a pastiche of right-wing insults and memes and what I’ve been doing nearly unconsciously to insult people since 4th grade.  And, it may be a little more raucous, because I didn’t have to pass it by NBC censors, but it’s pretty much the same damn thing that SNL did.

It’s not that funny, just cheap, fast, easy and ugly, like Elizabeth Warren.

When I was in grade school, we called saying stuff like this “cut fights.” It wasn’t limited to “Your mama so . . .” but it was the white version. Melissa McCarthy and Alec Baldwin would have been worthy opponents in a cut fight. I’m pretty sure I’d have whipped Alec’s ass and Melissa would have whipped mine.

Now, I’m about to go Godwin.

In the mid-late 1930’s in Germany, Hitler brought all art, movies and such under centralized control. The major museums were converted to displaying only Nazi-approved art. There was one museum kept open as a deliberate display of shitty (not-Nazi) art.  So people could go there and then immediately with the rest of their ticket to any of the many Nazi galleries, and ponder how much better Nazism had made art.

Unfortunately, the Nazi museums couldn’t get people using the other half of their tickets,  and the anti-Nazi museum had lines like people were trying to buy Jonas Brothers tickets.

I’m not going to draw the conclusions for you. If I have to, yo mama so stupid she didn’t abort you!


Who cares how many frogs Muslims kill?

April 16, 2017

Until the French return all the fines they’ve levied on Brigitte Bardot for “hate speech” about Muslims, why should anyone care how many French idiots are killed by Muslims?

Fucka Le France!

Clit Cutters

April 15, 2017

There are at least thousands of little Muslim girls in the USA who are suffering FGM (female genital mutilation), as is the Muslim tradition.

(Don’t dare reply to me that this is not a universal tradition in Islam. It’s as widespread in Islam as eating hot dogs at baseball games is in American tradition.)

Now, I may have missed it, but I don’t think any of the ABC/CBS/NBC morning shows covered this story.  The UK tabloid Daily Mail did:

Detroit Muslim doctor performed female genital mutilation on TWO 7-year-old girls who were brought to her by their mothers on a ‘special girls trip’

  • Dr. Jumana Nagarwala, 44, of Northville, Michigan, has been charged with performing female genital mutilation on two young girls from Minnesota
  • The FBI’s investigation of Nagarwala dates back to February and they believe she has performed the illegal practice on other young girls in Michigan
  • This is believed to be the first case brought under 18 U.S.C. 116, which criminalizes the practice 
  • According to the complaint, the young girls were taken to see Nagarwala by their mothers because ‘their tummies hurt’
  • ‘While at the doctor’s office, a procedure ‘to get the germs out,’ was performed on the first girl, according to the criminal complaint
  • She told the FBI that Nagarwala ‘pinched’ her on the ‘place where she goes pee’
  • Nagarwala is reportedly Muslim and speaks Gujarati 
  • Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit have confirmed that she was employed by the hospital but that no such practice ever took place at their facility  

If you have Muslim neighbors who have little girls, you have a moral duty to find out if they’ve done this to their girls. I don’t care if this makes you feel uncomfortable or feel racist. By turning a blind eye to this you are exactly as bad, no worse, than Catholics who turned a blind eye to all the sexual abuse by priests. Catholic priests didn’t cut the clits off little girls. Mutilation is much worse than “normal” sexual abuse.

I hate you if you know a little Muslim girl and you don’t make sure she’s OK.

Nuclear War Starts This Weekend!

April 15, 2017

President Trump has pretty much poked his finger into the gooey chest of that fat little Pillsbury dough boy Shama Lama Ding Dong or whatever his name is who runs North Korea.

This weekend is the annual North Korean celebration of something having to do with The Dear Leader ™  and the NORKs typically celebrate with a show of how mighty they are militarily. To skip it would be like us skipping fireworks on the 4th of July.

Stupid people (all the mainstream media and analysts) are saying that Trump has moved a carrier group near to North Korea to tamp things down. No, the timing and the lead-up (two major US airstrikes in the last week) tell me that Trump is trying to provoke the fat little flatulant. He’s calling the NORKs bluff. Trump is spoiling for a fight.

It’s about time.

Here’s the thing about appeasement. It does not reduce risk, it only postpones risk and the risk increases with compound interest.  At a certain point, either you have to fight back against a bully or accept being the bully’s permanent bitch. A lot of stupid people think, well, let’s just appease the bully for a while, and we’ll fight back later. Doesn’t often work out that way. The right time to fight a bully is almost always early. This is scary because bullies are scary.  And fighting back against a bully is always risky.

Appeasement is risky too. The more you appease, the weaker you become and the stronger the bully becomes. I’m obviously right in this case. Had we struck North Korea 20 years ago, they wouldn’t have nukes now, would they? The risk to South Korea is exactly the same as it was 20 years ago, but now we have to think about NORK nukes too.

If Kim Krazy Hair doesn’t launch or test anything this weekend, Trump made him blink. I think this is the most likely outcome. The loss of face will be huge for the NORKs, and Trump looks like a freaking genius.

If KKH does launch or test something and we shoot it down or blow it up, well all bets are off.  The stupid Chinese should have helped with this situation long ago.  Of course, Trump did just demonstrate that if the NORKs attack the SOUKs, we are perfectly capable of turning Pyongyang into a great construction site for the world’s biggest underground parking lot.

If KKH does something and we try and we fail to stop it. Oh. Shit. I think that means real war.

Regardless, the world has turned a blind eye to the horror movie that is life in North Korea for way too long. It’s a humanitarian disaster far worse than anything going on in the Middle East. And they pose a direct threat. It’s like letting your neighbors keep a zombie rabid pit bull.

North Korea must be ended soon.

The Aftermath

April 15, 2017

The Alt + Right is in a huge snit right now about Trump’s strike on Syria’s airfield from which Assad launched his most recent Sarin strike.  That alone makes me applaud the strike.  But, for you Alt + Right people still willing to look at the actual effects, I think this was one of Trump’s best 4D chess moves:

  • The air field strike was purely symbolic. It did no real damage. HOW it was done was the most important thing. No dithering, no consultation with our dithering allies and it happened FAST. This was a warning shot intended to get the attention of many worthy targets, not the least of them the bureaucratic torpor of the West/NATO, along with the Chi-Coms and the NORKs.
  • It made all the right pigs squeal. But it wasn’t a big enough provocation to provoke anything but bluster.
  • This may be pure coincidence, but the Chinese have finally started sticking it to the NORKs. Certainly, this strike didn’t reduce the credibility of Trump’s threat to deal with the NORKs unilaterally if China didn’t help.
  • The NORKs have gone even more batshit crazy than usual, trying to restore business as usual (appeasement). In response, Trump has moved serious American firepower into NORK space. I’ll have more to say about this later.
  • Rex Tillerson went to Moscow and spoke truth to Russian power like I’ve never heard, well not since Reagan. Behind the scenes, I would be shocked if Tillerson didn’t promise the Russians they could build their Syrian oil pipeline if they cooperated with us in transitioning the Assad family out of power.
  • Trump has split the Russians from the Chi-Coms, and is probably bribing both to act in USA interests.
  • Everyone who cheered the strike on Assad’s airfield has no choice but to cheer the MOAB dropped on ISIS in Afghanistan.

All you lily-livered conservatives who are already starting to turn on Trump, shame on you. Even if I’m wrong and he’s screwing up, he’s our quarterback and we’re not going to get another one.

I’m rethinking boycotts

April 8, 2017

In a civil society, it’s a bad idea to punish people economically who disagree with you politically.

I have been against boycotts so far. If Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey is yummy, buy it! I hate their politics but love their ice cream.

Of course, Democrats have no such tolerance.

They tried to ruin Ivanka Trump (it backfired, like most Democrat schemes do). Democrats, as the totalitarians they all are at heart, always try to ruin people economically when they disagree with them. Egregious case in point, their hateful BDS campaign against Israel.

I’m pretty close to concluding that civil society is a bygone thing. We should ruin Democrat businesses like they try to ruin decent people and countries and organizations.

The Target boycott is a case in point. Target lost 20% of its market cap because the AFA went after them about being the bathroom NAZIs.

That was a very successful boycott. Target lost millions of customers it will never get back.

Rather than bitch on Facebook, I’m thinking now about, what are the features of a successful boycott? This is war, not civil society. Nice job, Democrats. Now we frame it like you do.

First, you can’t boycott the NFL. Some people may quit watching because of Colin Idiotprick.  But there is no good substitute for the NFL. It’s really painful to give up watching the NFL just because Colin BigStupidHair is an asshole. There must be a reasonable, easy substitute for any boycott to succeed. Boycotters won’t sacrifice much to boycott.

Second, the boycotted business must do something really annoying to millions of people. Starbucks keeps trying to win this idiot championship. This Christmas, .let’s push them over the finish line. Starbucks is a perfect boycott target.

Third, customers must like the alternatives to what they’ve just boycotted better.

I’m having a serious moral crisis. I think boycotts are awful. Boycotts are war. If you punish someone economically for their political opinions, you are an asshole. And that is exactly what I’m advocating now.

War against Democrats.

Trumping Assad

April 8, 2017

I’ve thought a bit about this. Trump’s move was perfect and brilliant on every level. Obliterating the airfield from which Assad launched a chemical weapons attack was perfect.

There may be some people who comment on this post who think that the rebels actually did this, not Assad.

Don’t care, doesn’t matter. Even if ISIS did it, Trump’s response was brilliant. Your fault, my fault, anybody’s fault . . . Trump did exactly the right thing no matter what actually happened.

I’m sure Trump didn’t come up with this on his own. He’s listening to brilliant advice and following it.

Putin has blinked. Assad is sitting in his palace thinking hard. That douchebag Chinese dictator has gotten the message loud and clear.

My mancrush on The Donald has just gotten even bigger.