The Apology Tour Continues

February 24, 2012

Today, President Toonces, in what is perhaps the most cowardly, despicable act of his career (at least publicly) sent a written apology to the Korrupt Krazy Kunt Karzai in Afghanistan to try to appease members of the Koranic Krazy Kult for us “accidentally” burning some Korans along with other trash.

Afghan Muslim street trash, as eager to take offense as Toonces is to take blame, have been rioting and burning American flags for days now over what would have been a non-issue had we told them to go home or go fuck themselves or we’d napalm the poppy fields.

In other below-the-fold news today, two US troops were murdered by the rioters, who have yet to offer an apology.

Obama is neither Muslim nor Christian. He is Dhimmi. And I use the word “He” loosely.


I HATE Benetton

February 18, 2012

Benetton is the perfect exemplar of the decadent, self-loathing, euro-weenie, raised pinkie, Obama-funding, self-righteous, passive-aggressive Leftie-American-Douchebag-Liberal worldview.

This is the latest in Benetton’s “unhate” campaign. It arrives minutes after they apologized for portraying the Pope frenching a Muslim imam.

As readers of this blog know, I’m no fan of Jesus, and I feel kinda sentimental about Satan.

But I LOATHE the multi-culti, touchy-feely faggy Left. They seethe with subterranean hatred. For their rich daddies or their touchy-feely creepy mommies or because of their earned inferiority complexes and their dependence on entitlements and privileges they don’t understand much less would ever be willing to admit they get.

This Benetton ad is a HATE letter to Christians. If you don’t get that, you’re just another passive-aggressive asshat conformist piece of self-righteous American Liberal shit.

I am lucky enough to work in an open office, where collaboration is the raisin debt, but the actual result is everyone wearing noise-cancelling headphones so they can think straight occasionally. Friday, near end of the day, the subject turned to religion. There are 8 people in my little Den of Pandemonium. 6 were still at work when somebody said something along the lines of, Why the fuck would anyone still go to church for Christ’s sake?

As it turns out 2 people were church goers. They responded with grace (no pun intended) and dignity. The Jewish girl, siding with the majority, dissed her Bat Mitzvah as a huge pain in the ass what with all that Torah-memorizing and cantoring. She’s a nice girl. We applaud girl-courage so much because it is so rare. As the only serious atheist in the group, and I was still working, I chimed in occasionally to clarify concepts like “Original Sin” which 2 of the 6 had never even heard of.

To summarize, 3 of the 6 people there were, how shall I say this…unchurched? dechurched? If dechurched, I guess it’s 4 of 6 including me. I was the only one on the church-sucks side who had a clue about church. The rest were less educated about Protestants and Catholics than I am about the Oneida cult. As in, I know more about why Oneida flatware is sexy than they do about Jesus.

The Seattle liberals got rocked back on their heels thinking this was a Safe Zone to casually ridicule religious people. Oops. Now they know: Two of Them are less than 10 feet away from Enlightened Me every day. It would be great if next Monday were interesting, with some kind of walk of Liberal shame, but that won’t happen. Seattle liberals are nothing if not malleable pussies who don’t know how to apologize.

I didn’t help the religious people. They were doing fine on their own.

Thought experiment time:

Knowing this will help fuel assholes who will try to get this blog censored for racism, I’m going to make this analogy and ask these questions because race is the lens through which stupid liberals view everything these days, so it’s the best analogy to use to slap them across their sleepy stupid heads to try to wake them up:

Which of these two questions is more bigoted:

  1. Why the fuck would anyone still go to church for Christ’s sake?
  2. Why the fuck would anyone hire a nigger for Christ’s sake?

In case you’re not good at taking tests: They’re equally bigoted. Why aren’t they equally offensive? That’s not another test questions, except it’s a litmus test. If you don’t get that both those questions are equally offensive, you’re a bigoted asshole.

One of the guys who had left work already, who works in my 8-pack Of Noisy Hell, is black. I wonder how he would have responded if Question #2 had been asked in his presence. Do you think he would have gone into “I’m going to be reasonable, meek and mild and try to find common ground” mode like the outed Christians did?

Christians are the new gays. You can’t be sure if someone’s a closet Christian or gay at first glance. They sneak up on you and they pretend to be normal. Then suddenly they’re going to church or singing show tunes…gross!

Actually, Christians are the new black!



Time Is Money

February 15, 2012

In Time stars Justin Timberlake as a good guy from a poor neighborhood. Time really has become money in this high-concept science fiction movie.

Everyone has a green forearm LED tattoo that shows how much time/money you have left. You swipe your arm to board a bus (a bus rides costs an hour or two). You get paid at your job in units of time. Most people live paycheck to paycheck, or timecheck to timecheck. Instead of getting evicted if you run out of money, you get instantly dead if your time balance goes to zero.  Everyone checks their arms all the time to see how much time they have left.

People live in different “time zone” neighborhoods based on their average income/time balances, and have to pay with time to get into better neighborhoods. Arm wrestling is the new cockfighting, as wrestlers lock arms and try to drain each others’ time balances.

I loved this movie. Mitt Romney needs to watch this movie. Seriously, it could give him the edge he needs to win the election, to close that empathy gap.

In Time is not a good movie, technically. Everything in it, from plots to sets to hairstyles is a ripped-0ff pastiche of other movies. But it does one thing right: It accurately amplifies the sense of dread that people feel when living paycheck to paycheck.

I’ve been there. I’ve gotten an adrenaline rush hearing a dreadful noise in my crappy used car that I need to work if I’m going to get to work. I’ve gotten up early and swiped coupons out of other peoples’ Sunday papers. I’ve learned all kinds of blue-collar skills I never would have learned except I couldn’t afford to get my oil changed by someone else or to pay an electrician or drywaller.

I’ve never been seriously poor. I’ve lived in poor neighborhoods, in America. Nobody’s seriously poor in America, unless they just sit there and let life kill them. In which case, they’re exactly as bad off as Whitney Houston and what happens to them isn’t about being poor. Nobody dies early just from being poor in America. You have to add your own special sauce.

In Time is a movie made by and starring millionaires about how bad off the poor are and how good we millionaires should feel about ourselves making a movie about how bad off the poor are because of other millionaires who aren’t the right kind of caring millionaires like we are.

The movie’s politics and economics are the purest distillation of Occupy-ism and Obamanism I’ve ever seen. Its solution is to rain down money/time on the poor. Really, they have a soup kitchen scene where everyone gets time instead of soup, and everyone is spontaneously orderly instead of a riot happening. The nobility of the poor and the venality of the (wrong) rich and the nobility of the (correct) rich are unquestioned premises in this movie. Hot rich girls with Fifth Element haircuts trying to get back at daddy by dating hot poor boys are the (correct) rich in this movie.

This is what we’re up against. This movie displays the worldview and the self-image of the Hollywood left and their clients with naked clarity. And it starts out intelligently. I was entranced with the first 20 minutes. After that, it was just cheap fun.

Bottom line, rent this movie.  It got 37% on Rotten Tomatoes. I hope that’s what Obama gets in 2012.




Stealing from future generations

February 11, 2012

You can’t steal from future generations. For generations, Republicans have been saying Democrats are stealing from future generations, but they’re wrong. And not just because Republicans are pious thieves too.

It might be possible to enslave future generations to make them pay for the stuff that’s been stolen and squandered already. Good luck with that. Future generations are highly unlikely to respect these debts.

I’m going to explain the federal debt and the so-called “unfunded liabilities” of the federal government in a way that you may never have heard before. I bet you won’t forget it.

The US Gubmint is about $15 trillion in debt. Not to future generations. To people who have invested in the US Fedrule Gubmint like I might have invested in Apple or IBM or Enron. Unless the USFG can figure out how to force “future generations” to pay off that debt, those investors will have to deal with the real value of their investments.

Here’s the thing about all those people who’ve invested in the USFG: they believe that the USFG can enslave future generation to pay them back. They invested in the USFG because they thought that even Apple was too risky, since Apple doesn’t have guns to make people buy iPads.

So, to all you investors in the USFG: I say FUCK YOU! How dare you count on the USFG pointing a gun at the heads of my children to make them pay you back because you’re too chickenshit to invest in real businesses?

Here’s what’s really going to happen: Future generations are not going to pay back the USFG debt. Current creditors of the USFG are going to get wiped out. The USFG is not a perpetual motion machine. Naive people who thought it was will be wiped out.

Here’s the real Hurt Locker: All those Chinese families who work every one of them 12 to 15 hours a day and have sent their “surplus labor” to fat American fucks who work for the USFG, sure that they’d get paid back because America isn’t near as horrible and corrupt as China. Which it isn’t. Which isn’t saying much. Those people are going to get wiped out.

A lot of people are talking about the “unfunded liabilities” of the USFG at being over $100 trillion as if that’s meaningful. It’s not. It’s like someone who makes $40,000 a year promising to pay to send his 20 kids to Harvard, somehow. It’s bullshit. The promises will be broken.

There is no scenario where the USFG doesn’t lose most of its authority, credibility and doesn’t ruin everyone who believed in it.

The times, they are a’ changin’ and not just in hippie dippie ways.

We’re not going to save Medicare.

We’re not going to save Social Security.

We’re going to let them slam into the wall hard.

Profit off collecting the shrapnel!

Innumerate Unemployment News — It’s all good!

February 9, 2012

The government is jubilant that the unemployment rate has fallen to 8.3% this month, from near 9% before.

Do you know how they calculate the unemployment rate? By that, I mean, do you know how the ratio of unemployed to employed people is derived and who is counted in that ratio? (HINT: not everyone who doesn’t have a job is counted as unemployed.)

Let’s say there are 50 unemployed people and 850 employed people. What is the unemployment rate? It’s 5.5%. The universe of people who are employed + people who want to be employed (the “unemployed”) is 900 people. 50/900 = .055.

Now, lets say that 5 of the unemployed got jobs, and none of the 850 got fired. The unemployment rate becomes 5.0 %.

Now, what if, instead of getting jobs, 10 of those unemployed people just said, fuck it, I’m tired of trying to get a job. The unemployment rate would become 4.4%.

In the last 2 months 2+ million people dropped out of the official government “group.” They still exist. They still eat, shit, pay sales tax and buy lottery tickets. And they don’t have jobs. For whatever reasons, they aren’t officially counted by the government anymore as “unemployed.”

If the 2 million people in the last 2 months who said “fuck it!” were to be counted as unemployed, what would the official unemployment rate be? I’m not going to answer that question for you. Go find some official government stats and calculations, do the arithmetic and enjoy your own HOLY FUCK! moment.

If you can’t figure out how to find official government stats and calculations, please stop voting.


74 down 80,810,836 to go

February 3, 2012

Is it bad for me to be happy, to actually laugh out loud sometimes, when people die?

For example, when that Iranian nuclear scientist got killed from a motorcyclist speeding by and attaching a bomb to his car. I laughed like hell at the pictures of the blown up car. There have been pictures lately of the guy with his 3 year old daughter, supposed to make us feel sorry. I don’t feel very sorry. Wish the Israelis or whoever did this good deed had killed him earlier, so she’d remember her horrible amoral dad even less, but at least they got him before she was 9 or older when it really would have screwed with her.

Now, the Egyptian soccer fans riot and kill 74 and I’m supposed to feel sorry? I didn’t laugh out loud. I probably would have if they’d set the footage to Benny Hill music. The overwhelming majority of Egyptians should just kill themselves. I get it. Not their fault that they were raised to be assholes. But nearly all Egyptians are violent, horrible, uncivilized assholes.

There are a lot of people that, when they die, I’m happy. Like Woo hoo! happy.

When Kim Jong whatsisname died, I just hoped he died in agony. When his little brat new Glorious Leader dies, I hope he’s torn apart and eaten by his starving people, while he’s still conscious. Seriously, I’d laugh at that like a George Romero movie come true.

I didn’t feel a bit bad or sympathetic when Khaddaffy got his final beatdown. I would have been even happier had his beat-downers gotten blown up 5 seconds after. People in Libya are gonna wish they had Daffy Khaddaffy back.

90 year old Nazis who get caught by the Mossad–I chuckle when they get their long-delayed fucking with.

Platitudinously, we’re all supposed to mourn the deaths of the most evil of fucks. I get why we’re supposed to. It’s to keep us in touch with the fundamental humanity of the most depraved and violent among us, and thus to keep us from becoming one of them.

I’m not sure that argument works. I haven’t noticed myself more prone to punching old ladies in crosswalks or slapping children in shopping malls or cutting people off in traffic because they have their turn signals on.

But I still laugh my ass off when old Nazis and young Iranian nuclear scientists get assassinated. We need to exterminate this breed, no matter how cute their kids are.