Why I Hate Julia Roberts

August 29, 2010

She’s a Hindu now. No shit. That’s what she says.

Because reincarnation gives her a warm fuzzy and she sees an “old soul” when her daughter sits in a certain way.

She gave up Catholicism because “the silent reverence is not who I am.” She sort of gets Baptists because they appreciate community.

Basically, she tries on religions like underwear. Do they bind? Do they make my ass look fat? Not a single thought about whether they’re true or not.

I’ve always hated Julia Roberts. I think the only movie of hers I’ve seen all the way through was the one with her and Mel Gibson and I think I was hoping he’d kill her before it was over. Never saw Pretty Woman. Or 4 Weddings and a Fried Tomato. Or Erin YouAre SuchaDumbBitch.

Now, I’m not deranged in my Julia Roberts hatred. I’m deranged in my Andie McDowell hatred. Andie is Julia’s evil twin. If I were seated next to Andie at a restaurant, I’d go over the table with a bread knife to try to take her out. I’d throw burning bananas Foster in her face screaming Allahu Shut The Fuck UP your screechy dolphin voice burns my brain Akbar!

I get that JR is talented and pretty and the most alpha-woman in the world. It goes against my JR-hatred that she married Lyle Lovett. I love LL. If I married him, I’d never divorce him. I’d stand by my man.

They met on a movie set and the divorce was final 2 years later. Good on LL for hittin’ it and quittin’ it. Nice line-item on his sexual resume. I bet nobody says no now.

There’s something deeply wrong with Julia Roberts like there’s something wrong with Katy Perry.

Evidence of that will keep coming out on both of them, but all you need is a little spidey-sense.


Anti-Muslim Bigotry

August 27, 2010

Here’s the dictionary.com definition of bigotry:

Stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one’s own… Narrow-mindedness, bias, discrimination.
All Muslims are bigots by that simple definition. They are intolerant of Jews, uppity wimmen, people who want to leave Islam and conditionally hate everyone who isn’t yet Muslim. “Moderate” Muslims are those too lazy to kill or too cowardly to oppose the killing done and applauded by a significant, powerful plurality of Muslims.
If Muslims are entitled to hate all Americans and Jews because of the actions of American and Jewish political leaders, certainly we are entitled to hate all Muslims for the actions of their political leaders. Americans clogged the streets protesting Viet Nam and every war since conducted by the American government. But Muslims clogged the streets applauding 9-11. Name one single mass protest against what happened on 9-11 in any Muslim country. Even if just a few hundred people. The Muslim world cheered 9-11. There were no Muslim protests against that terrorism, like there were protests against Viet Nam and Iraq in America. We shouldn’t forget that.
A guy I thought was a friend, who worked near me, from Somalia, couldn’t contain his joy when the planes hit the buildings. He still has his job, if not his friends, in America. It’s the same job he had on 9-11. I guess we’re not complete pussies since we’ve passively-aggressively punished him while paying him.
Unless you’re stupid, you know that I’m right. Go back to my “Muslim litmus test” post and find me some Muslims who can pass it. Seriously, knock on the door of that Muslim family in your neighborhood and ask them to talk about those issues. Let me know how it goes.
I’m not saying all Muslims are evil people. I’m saying all Muslims more or less submit to evil ideas and pass them on to their children. Muslims keep their children from learning decent moral values like the Amish keep their kids from using technology.
All Muslims, to whatever extent they have the energy, as a matter of duty, work to impose evil things (sharia imperialism, hatred of Jews, abolition of human rights, oppression of women) on the rest of us. And they teach that to their kids. There is no Muslim in the world who could pass my litmus test and then read off those principles in front of everyone in their mosque without serious, perhaps deadly, consequences. No Muslim mosque anywhere in the world would break into spontaneous applause in favor of my litmus test principles.
Prove me wrong or shut the fuck up about “anti-Muslim bigotry.”
I’m going to keep distilling this till I get it completely clear and simple: 
  • We are making a category mistake classifying Islam as a religion in the same sense that Christianity is a religion.
  • Islam, in its internal dynamics and goals, is more an expansionist criminal organization with mystical cult overtones than it is a religion. Kind of like the Christian drug cartel that’s killing everyone in Juarez.
  • Muslims in America are more like coopted civilians or active members of the Mafia than they are citizens. Their allegiance is much more to the Imam/Don than to the USA or to us infidel citizens.
  • Muslims are dedicated to the overthrow of the United States government and the eradication of the very idea of human rights.
  • Muslims lie about their goals and intentions. Doing so is an explicit part of their strategy, religion and culture.

Damn right I’m Anti-Muslim. Muslims are seriously fucking lucky that my opposition to them isn’t hatred and is bounded by civilized rules they don’t respect but by which they will ultimately be defeated.


Sarah Palin, PLEASE shut the fuck up!

August 26, 2010

Fox Business tonight, I’m listening to David Assman pucker up and kiss La Palin’s cute hot butt. This is a heavily edited, but substantially accurate, transcript:

Assman:  smooch smooch. Question  about sarah’s big kingmaker role today in the primaries, since nearly all her endorsements won.

Sarah: (lasciviously licking her lips, rocking like like she’s got benwa balls in. I really liked this part. She’s pretty happy now, and I can’t blame her.)  “Well this scenario, this miracle on ice that we were just over the moon with happiness and thankulness that we’re seeing….”

Assman:  smooch smooch smooch question about Joe Miller in Alaska. (Let me make it clear–I haven’t seen a Sarah candidate endorsement I was really against. I’m just against Sarah endorsing anybody).

Sarah: “Joe especially Joe Miller with such an impressive resume you can’t question his resume and assume that he isn’t qualified but even more important than that big important fat resume of his is his understanidng of our Constitution and his acknowledgement and his motivation and his commitment to doing something about Obama-Pelosi-Reid agenda driving us to a cliff….”

Assman: smoooch smooch smooch I don’t remember the question he asked her here.

Sarah: ” ….engage in free market enterprise principles, instead of the the Obama-Pelos0-Reid…. ”

I would have really cracked up if she’d had a brain fart and said Sacco-Vanzetti instead of O-P-R.

 Assman, not in panting puppy dog mode for the first time: “What about O-P-R’s little bitch Scott Brown that you endorsed?” (Ok, not a real quote, I’m paraphrasing)

Sarah:  stammers and eventually recovers and starts with her runon sentences again. With regard to who I can’t quite remember who, she finished with “…we’ll choose him to represent our wishes our desires that is needed to put our country back on track….”

Then, Assman, having found his sea legs, or having been told that Sarah could actually talk to these issues, asked about term limits and the Murkowski dynasty, and she spoke very differently. Not in that sing-song-I’m-grabbing-shit-at-random-from-my-talking-points voice that she uses 90% of the time, but like an actual person.

And here’s exactly my problem with Sarah. She’s not stupid. She’s a bad liar. When she’s speaking to promote some kind of bullshit that she “believes” in but that she can’t ground her belief in reality, she switches into this dimbulb word-salad mode that is just verbal diarrhea. And she “believes” in a lot of shit that she can’t really justify. When she talks about term limits and how political dynasties are anathema to America, she understands that all the way down. When she’s not in political hack mode, she’s sharp, knows how to end a sentence and doesn’t make up new word forms. When she vacuates about bigger issues, she’s out of her depth and suddenly she’s neologizzing all over the place.

She’s a very unstable bitch to pin this country’s hopes on.

 Ok, moving on..

Then she gets asked about her support for McCain and she won’t say anything mean, good on her, but the question put her back in bullshit mode:

“…And, Senator McCain,  and I think he would be quite admitting on some of these issues…and if there were do-over time I think a lot of Republicans would say no way….”

Slobbering speech by Assman about a couple of military guys she endorsed.

Sarah: “I feel like I’m not even worthy of tying their combat boots.” I liked that too. I bet those guys went to bed tonight thinking about Sarah tying their combat boots. Way to supp0rt the troops, girl!

 Assman: “Are you in favor of a flat tax?”

Sarah: “Oh yeah, anything besides what we have today and we see what these leftists have shoved down our throats in terms of taxes and allowing the tax breaks that Bush put in place to expire anything besides what the Leftists did to us and we’ll be better off.”

Rah Rah Team!

Let me remind you, I voted for Sarah for President instead of for McCain or Obama. I take back that vote tonight. I voted for her because she was the only one of the 4 retards who didn’t push TARP. Tonight, I didn’t transcript it here, as part of her love letter to McCain, Sarah flat-out endorsed TARP 1, Republican TARP, while still trying to distance herself from the subsequent Democrat bailouts..

Did you hear that, conservatives and Republicans? There’s not a dime’s worth of difference between Palin, McCain, Bush, Frank on TARP.

I was wrong to vote for her. You’re wrong to make her into the Betsy Ross of the Tea Party. No, she’s not a zombie-whore like Pelosi or Reid. But Sarah’s in WAY FUCKING OVER HER HEAD.

She’s a liability. Republicans and Tea-Partiers, if you take advantage of and bet on her celebrity, we’ll pay for it by alienating everyone in the USA who values intelligence.

She should take a page out of Dan Quayle’s book. Everybody thought he was deeply stupid, but he was just ignorant. He took time off from public life to actually learn what he already should have known, and now if you read one of his current speeches you wouldn’t believe it’s the same guy. Palin, like Quayle, staggers around in a panicked verbal fog when she knows she’s in over her head. Unfortunately, Palin has had plenty of time since giving up on Alaska to educate herself and has obviously shown no inclination to do so.

Facts and Predictions about the Ground Zero Hamosque

August 23, 2010
  • The mosque-mongers won’t give up easily and agree to build elsewhere. Only when it becomes humiliatingly clear that no way in hell are Americans going to allow this will they back off. And it’s becoming increasingly clear that we’re serious about this, you motherfuckers. If this vile little lying Imam backs  down, this will be a huge symbolic defeat for Muslim assholes everywhere, unless our douchebag politicians gratuitously cringe and fawn to make up for it.
  • The governor of New York is dangerously close to being exactly that dhimmi douchebag I’m talking about. It’s been well-publicized that he’s begged the Imam for a meeting multiple times and been spurned. He better fucking man up or shut up. How strange is it that the governor of New York can’t get his phone calls returned by this “bridge building” Imam?
  • This is about doing a touchdown dance on Ground Zero. Every time you hear that Imam or his lying bitch of a wife say “build bridges” they mean “make you blink.”
  • You have to be beyond fucking stupid at this point to think this is about a group of Muslims who are into peace, love and understanding. This is a probe, like what the aliens did to Cartman’s ass.
  • Muslims are liars whenever they talk about assimilation and accommodation with the non-Muslim societies they patiently infiltrate and subvert.
  • This particular mosque-mongering Imam is a moderate Muslim. In fact, he’s the very model of a modern moderate Muslim. He wants Sharia law in America, he refuses to distance himself from Hamas or any other terrorist organizations, he blames the USA for pissing off UBL so much that 9/11 was a predictable, if not completely justifiable, reaction. He has used the term “Sharia-compliant” with regard to where he wants to see America go, and has defined that as allowing him and his cronies to have separate courts and laws and jurisdiction over their “own” people.  Yeah, that’s assimilation. See how that strategy is working out right now in England. Muslim thugs are de facto taking over neighborhoods in London now, turning them into no-go zones for cops and other infidels.
  • Even if you were to buy that this Imam is a well-meaning guy (and you have to be fucking stupid to buy into the idea that anybody who won’t condemn Hamas is well-meaning), millions of murdering Muslim militants will interpret this as proof of the success of 9/11 and their dominance over decadent infidel America. And if this fucking thing ever gets built, they’ll be right.
  • There’s nothing wrong with being anti-Muslim. There’s something wrong with being Muslim. Observant Muslims are sexist, racist, totalitarian terrorist-sympathizers, at best. Millions of them are terrorists. We need to turn this around–Muslims, as a general rule, are assholes. Not people who oppose them. 
  • This asinine notion that American Muslims are “different” is bullshit. American Muslims are as awful as Muslims everywhere.  Who’s that guy Obama’s trying to drone-kill in Yemen? Oh, yeah, he’s an American Imam from Virginia who used to be touted as a moderate like this shithead who’s trying to build the Hamosque. The Yemen/Virginia guy wound up the keys in the backs of the underpants and Times Square fizzler bombers.

Yeah, I’m anti-Muslim. I’m anti-Mormon polygamist, anti-KKK, anti-Aryan Nations, and really really fucking really really anti-Democrat.

There’s no intellectual or even psychological excuse for being a Democrat anymore in America. You’re just a stupid random idiot who sympathizes only with those who don’t deserve sympathy, or you are a rent-seeking piece of shit leech sucking money out of the government-employee-union complex. But I’m not talking about Democrats here, it’s just that every time I think of them, I get a hate-on. So I had to say that. Sorry to get sidetracked. Fuck, I hate Democrats.

Ok, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Here’s a litmus/loyalty test for American Muslims. If you as a Muslim fail even a single item below, you fail and I will have nothing to do with you.  Muslims, print out the following, read it out loud and post the video on YouTube:

  • I condemn Hamas and Hezbollah as terrorist organizations that no Muslim should support. Any Muslim who verbally or financially  supports either of these organizations is a terrorist and worse than an infidel, and I will turn their names in to law enforcement agencies. Further, I renounce any organization or Muslim who supports or commits violence in Israel or any non-Muslim nation-state and promise to help law enforcement to the best of my ability to prevent such acts.
  • I recognize the right of Israel to exist and I call on all Muslims to accept this too. Anything in the Koran or the Hadith that curses the Jews as a race is crap. Muslim anti-Jewish attitudes are a disgrace. We have much to learn from the tiny nation of Israel about human rights and tolerance. Not to mention military strategy.
  • Any Muslim who wishes to leave the faith should be allowed to do so. Families who coerce or punish apostates are despicable.
  • Being gay is OK. I may not like it, but I will not persecute or harrass homosexuals. Any Muslim country that does this is evil and I denounce them. I am aware that these Muslim states currently persecute homosexuals: <List>. I condemn each one categorically.
  • In the United States of America, where I live, I renounce any and all efforts to replace the Constitution of the United States or the Constitution of any state with Sharia law. I will not support Sharia courts, even as private entities with voluntary jurisdictions.
  • No matter how egregious the offense against the faith or my honor, I will not kidnap, kill or remove any family member to a Sharia-observant country to deal with the problem.
  • If South Park wants to make fun of Mohammed, let them. They can say Mohammed is a pedophile. They can dress him up in a bear suit. They can tell lies, distort the truth and all I’ll do is talk back. Any Muslim who threatens South Park should be dressed up in a bear suit and have electrodes attached to his testicles.
  • The fatwa against Salmon Rushdie was evil and every Muslim in favor of it should be ashamed and shamed. We need multiple fatwas celebrating Rushdie and condemning the murdering weasels who published the fatwa against him. I will tell my Imam so next Friday. If he blows me off, I’m done with him. I will find an Imam who will publish pro-Rushdie fatwas, or die trying.
  • Any Muslim state that uses amputation or stoning to punish any offense is an evil state and I condemn it. <See above–you must do it categorically, and should obviously include Iran, Saudi Arabia and about 20 other horrible little Muslim Thunderdome-ocracies>
  • I support the principles embodied in the first amendment to the United States Constitution:  Separation of Church and State, free speech, no matter how offensive to my sensibilities or religion, and the right of the governed to protest government actions without fear of being gunned down in the streets.
  • I call on the government of Iran to stop all nuclear weapons programs. Everyone involved in killing protestors in the last few years must be brought to justice before the Iranian regime can be treated as a legitimate state.
  • I call on the the government of Pakistan to subject their nuclear weapons stockpiles to international authority to ensure that radical murderous Muslim supremacists do not gain control of those weapons.
  • I call on the government of Saudi Arabia to disband the religous police who harass and murder women and girls and to try the clerics responsible for these many murders.  And I call on fucking Sting to write a fucking song about it.

The list above isn’t all that much to assent to, if you’re an American. It”s a lot if you’re Muslim.

Good luck finding 5 observant Muslims in America who would even agree with half of the points above. Good luck finding even 5 Republicans or Democrats who wouldn’t agree with all of  the points above (well, some Republicans might not agree with the Gay point, and some Democrats might not agree with leashing Pakistan).

I’m not anti-Muslim. I’m just anti-anyone-who-can’t-agree-with-almost-all-of-the-points-above.

Dr. Laura, BIH

August 21, 2010

All the conservatives thinking she’s been railroaded off the air for offending people’s delicate racial sensitivities need to hear what she actually said.

That might be hard since Dr. Laura has excised it from her web sites copy of the tape. But here’s the transcript (copied and pasted courtesy of Media Matters).

To set the stage, a perfectly nice black woman, a long-suffering black woman, calls up to ask sincerely how to deal with her white husband’s racist yahoo friends coming over and poking at her about race while her puss of a husband pretends he doesn’t notice.

CALLER: Hi, Dr. Laura.
CALLER: I’m having an issue with my husband where I’m starting to grow very resentful of him. I’m black, and he’s white. We’ve been around some of his friends and family members who start making racist comments as if I’m not there or if I’m not black. And my husband ignores those comments, and it hurts my feelings. And he acts like —
SCHLESSINGER: Well, can you give me an example of a racist comment? ‘Cause sometimes people are hypersensitive. So tell me what’s — give me two good examples of racist comments.
CALLER: OK. Last night — good example — we had a neighbor come over, and this neighbor — when every time he comes over, it’s always a black comment. It’s, “Oh, well, how do you black people like doing this?” And, “Do black people really like doing that?” And for a long time, I would ignore it. But last night, I got to the point where it —
SCHLESSINGER: I don’t think that’s racist.
CALLER: Well, the stereotype —
SCHLESSINGER: I don’t think that’s racist. No, I think that —
CALLER: [unintelligible]
SCHLESSINGER: No, no, no. I think that’s — well, listen, without giving much thought, a lot of blacks voted for Obama simply ’cause he was half-black. Didn’t matter what he was gonna do in office, it was a black thing. You gotta know that. That’s not a surprise. Not everything that somebody says — we had friends over the other day; we got about 35 people here — the guys who were gonna start playing basketball. I was going to go out and play basketball. My bodyguard and my dear friend is a black man. And I said, “White men can’t jump; I want you on my team.” That was racist? That was funny.
CALLER: How about the N-word? So, the N-word’s been thrown around —
SCHLESSINGER: Black guys use it all the time. Turn on HBO, listen to a black comic, and all you hear is nigger, nigger, nigger.
CALLER: That isn’t —
SCHLESSINGER: I don’t get it. If anybody without enough melanin says it, it’s a horrible thing; but when black people say it, it’s affectionate. It’s very confusing. Don’t hang up, I want to talk to you some more. Don’t go away.
I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I’ll be right back.
After taking a commercial break, Schlessinger resumed her discussion with the caller:

SCHLESSINGER: I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger, talking to Jade. What did you think about during the break, by the way?
CALLER: I was a little caught back by the N-word that you spewed out, I have to be honest with you. But my point is, race relations —
SCHLESSINGER: Oh, then I guess you don’t watch HBO or listen to any black comedians.
CALLER: But that doesn’t make it right. I mean, race is a [unintelligible] —
SCHLESSINGER: My dear, my dear —
CALLER: — since Obama’s been in office —
SCHLESSINGER: — the point I’m trying to make —
CALLER: — racism has come to another level that’s unacceptable.
SCHLESSINGER: Yeah. We’ve got a black man as president, and we have more complaining about racism than ever. I mean, I think that’s hilarious.
CALLER: But I think, honestly, because there’s more white people afraid of a black man taking over the nation.
SCHLESSINGER: They’re afraid.
CALLER: If you want to be honest about it [unintelligible]
SCHLESSINGER: Dear, they voted him in. Only 12 percent of the population’s black. Whites voted him in.
CALLER: It was the younger generation that did it. It wasn’t the older white people who did it.
CALLER: It was the younger generation —
SCHLESSINGER: All right. All right.
CALLER: — that did it.
SCHLESSINGER: Chip on your shoulder. I can’t do much about that.
CALLER: It’s not like that.
SCHLESSINGER: Yeah. I think you have too much sensitivity —
CALLER: So it’s OK to say “nigger”?
SCHLESSINGER: — and not enough sense of humor.
CALLER: It’s OK to say that word?
SCHLESSINGER: It depends how it’s said.
CALLER: Is it OK to say that word? Is it ever OK to say that word?
SCHLESSINGER: It’s — it depends how it’s said. Black guys talking to each other seem to think it’s OK.
CALLER: But you’re not black. They’re not black. My husband is white.
SCHLESSINGER: Oh, I see. So, a word is restricted to race. Got it. Can’t do much about that.
CALLER: I can’t believe someone like you is on the radio spewing out the “nigger” word, and I hope everybody heard it.
SCHLESSINGER: I didn’t spew out the “nigger” word.
CALLER: You said, “Nigger, nigger, nigger.”
SCHLESSINGER: Right, I said that’s what you hear.
CALLER: Everybody heard it.
SCHLESSINGER: Yes, they did.
CALLER: I hope everybody heard it.
SCHLESSINGER: They did, and I’ll say it again —
CALLER: So what makes it OK for you to say the word?
SCHLESSINGER: — nigger, nigger, nigger is what you hear on HB —
CALLER: So what makes it —
SCHLESSINGER: Why don’t you let me finish a sentence?
SCHLESSINGER: Don’t take things out of context. Don’t double N — NAACP me. Tape the —
CALLER: I know what the NAACP —
SCHLESSINGER: Leave them in context.
CALLER: I know what the N-word means and I know it came from a white person. And I know the white person made it bad.
SCHLESSINGER: All right. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Can’t have this argument. You know what? If you’re that hypersensitive about color and don’t have a sense of humor, don’t marry out of your race. If you’re going to marry out of your race, people are going to say, “OK, what do blacks think? What do whites think? What do Jews think? What do Catholics think?” Of course there isn’t a one-think per se. But in general there’s “think.”
And what I just heard from Jade is a lot of what I hear from black-think — and it’s really distressting [sic] and disturbing. And to put it in its context, she said the N-word, and I said, on HBO, listening to black comics, you hear “nigger, nigger, nigger.” I didn’t call anybody a nigger. Nice try, Jade. Actually, sucky try.
Need a sense of humor, sense of humor — and answer the question. When somebody says, “What do blacks think?” say, “This is what I think. This is what I read that if you take a poll the majority of blacks think this.” Answer the question and discuss the issue. It’s like we can’t discuss anything without saying there’s -isms?
We have to be able to discuss these things. We’re people — goodness gracious me. Ah — hypersensitivity, OK, which is being bred by black activists. I really thought that once we had a black president, the attempt to demonize whites hating blacks would stop, but it seems to have grown, and I don’t get it. Yes, I do. It’s all about power. I do get it. It’s all about power and that’s sad because what should be in power is not power or righteousness to do good — that should be the greatest power.

Note: I have done a search and replace and will use KrazyKunt for the rest of this post to refer to Dr. Laura. Why?

First, her degree isn’t in anything to do with clinical counseling, so I don’t like calling her Dr.

Second, it creeps me out to just call her Laura.

Third, I can’t remember how to spell Sshlesshingher.

Fourth, she’s a KrazyKunt.

Media Matters also has the audio of the call, and the audio is worse than the transcript. If you’ve listened to KrazyKunt, you know how she frequently drips sneering contempt on those she takes an instant dislike to. Imagine KrazyKunt at her Dr. Evil best and that’s how the call went.

One of the worst things about KK is how she jumps to conclusions, pounces on innocent people asking for help and then jettisons them bleeding to deal on their own with her little hate-burst. So this isn’t like KK is behaving out of character jumping on this woman for no good reason. This is by no means the worst thing the psycho bitch has done to vulnerable, nice people who call her for help and instead get a scorpion tossed at them. But it is racist, so now we’re finally going to do something about it.

Let’s keep in mind that this woman who called is a KK LISTENER. So that means she has a few problems of her own, but it still means that she’s probably very conservative, responsible and traditional. And I have to applaud her for her dignity and patience. Probably, this woman’s used to dealing with shit like this from being around her feckless husband and his moronic passive-aggressive friends. Still, there’s no excuse for how she was treated. KK can try to apologize all she wants, but she’s been abusing multiple callers like this every night for years. She won’t live long enough to write all the apologies she really should write.

And, in full disclosure, I agree subtantively with several of the abstract points that KrazyKunt made. I’m sick and tired of blacks casually using the word nigger and making it a neutron bomb for everyone else.  But I still laugh my ass off at Boondocks and Chris Rock when I really should get All Outraged and write Letters and tell them to Stop. I’m a wicked hypocritical white man. I find time to post stuff like this, so you’d think I could find time to write to HBO and tell them to Stop.

Regardless, it’s calculating bullshit on black peoples’ part. Any black person who flaunts the word nigger in front of white people should be called on the carpet, period. Just as hard as that guy from Seinfeld was. Black people say nigger in front of white people for the same reasons  your mom stuck a thermometer up your butt when you were a baby. To take your temperature or because she knew you didn’t like it. It’s how blacks know they’re still successfully guilting Non-Racist Whites–we don’t have the guts to call them on obnoxious crap like this.

Nigger would have gone the way of Polack were it not for black people fanning the flames, keeping it alive, nurturing it and using it for social advantage. None of which matters right now, but the last thing anyone needs is some stupid white person defending KK on technicalities. So let’s all acknowledge that KK spewed some points that better people than her have made, like me, but that wasn’t the point.

Because what’s wrong with what KrazyKunt said is the venom and the glee. KK sided with racist yahoos harassing a nice black woman in front of her gelded husband.  KK jumped, like static electricity jumps, from this woman’s legitimate dilemma to a political rant that she’d been suppressing with as much difficulty as a woman trying to suppress the urge to pop a zit on her boyfriend’s back. (How’s that for a great mixed metaphor?)

And KK didn’t  just say nigger. She said nigger nigger nigger.  Over and over. And in her patented, trademarked Cuntempt Voice.  And she told the woman to go fuck herself and stay with her own kind if she can’t take a little mean-spirited shit from her husband’s hillbilly friends. (You know who’s the worst person in all this? That woman’s husband. What a piece of phlegm he is. I hope she divorces him.)

Now, to go out on a high note, for years, I’ve played a Dr. Laura party game that cracks people up and that I now want to share with the world.

It’s simple, fun and creative. Make up sentences like these–

If Dr. Laura were wanting to make up with someone, she’d be cunt-ciliatory.

If Dr. Laura got in an argument with somebody, she’d be cunt-tentious.

If Dr. Laura were to ask you to agree to something, she’d want your cunt-sent.

It’s a lot funnier verbally than in writing. It appalls my wife, but it cracks everyone else up. I’ve got hundreds of them, but I’ll let you have the fun of discovering more on your own.

Here’s a new one:

If Dr. Laura were a black slave, she’d be Cunta Kinte…


(That means Oh Fucking Great Oh My God.)

Remember what I was saying about how the last thing anyone needs is some stupid white person defending KK on a techniKKality?

I post this, go to read today’s news and there’s Sarah Palin cheerleading for Dr. Laura on twitter, using 4 instead of for and 2 instead of to in posts that aren’t near 140 characters, and otherwise proving her IQ isn’t much higher then her slutty daughter Bristol’s.

Oh, and Republicans like Sarah Palin more than any other candidate they can think of to run for President in 2012. Maybe Republicans are as fucking stupid as Democrats say.

Remember when last year Fox News pulled off a coup and got Sarah on the payroll as a special something or other? How often have you seen her on the channel since her first few floundering appearances? Hey Republicans, what do you think that means?

Nonetheless, I have to admit, “Sarah Palin for President. Boy, I’d like to fuck her!” is a great bumper sticker.

The Bottom Line about the Ground Zero Mosque

August 19, 2010

Let’s assume that the Imam in hiding behind this is purely innocent. Let’s assume all the money coming in is innocent too.

We all know that the Imam is a terrorist-sympathising-if-not-funding asshole and the people paying the $100M are murky and evil, but let’s assume….

Let’s assume that only 5% or 1% or .5% of the Muslims in the world are jihadists ready to strap on a bomb and 95% or 99% or 99.5% of Muslims lack the courage of their convictions….

This Muslim abomination at ground zero will, regardless of the intentions of those who build it, give aid and comfort to the millions of Muslims (even at .5 percent, there are millions) who will look at us letting them build this as a symbol of us knuckling under to them. Our readiness for dhimmitude. Look it the fuck up if you don’t know what dhimmitude is. Building mosques on top of the murdered corpses of their conquests is a proud tradition in Islam.

Look up what happened at Cordoba, when you’re thinking about whether it’s ok to have this Cordoba House erected here.

Make no mistake: whatever else this is, building this fucked up “Muslim Center” is an insult and a test for every American. If it gets built, we blinked. If it gets built when 2/3 of Americans think this is bullshit, it shows that 2/3 of Americans are cattle.

If you don’t get that, you are dhimmi, unworthy of being an American. If you are in favor of letting them build this, you are too stupid to argue with, at best. More likely, you’re a morally corrupt self-hating piece of shit. The 1/3 of Americans in favor of building this–what the fuck is wrong with you people? You should be deported before we deport a single Muslim.

Anyhow, I don’t think it will get built.

I hate Katy Perry

August 17, 2010

She makes my spidey sense tingle.

I should like her. She’s hot as hell and my type of hot. She sings OK. Better than Britney. Though if I’m going to listen to a hot chick who can barely sing, I’m all over Lily Allen. I mean, I’d like to be all over Lily Allen. I get no creepy feeling about Lily Allen–she’d have all the creepy feelings if we ever met.

Katy Perry is smart and funny. I just saw her on Graham Norton with Anna Kournikova and some unknown British comic sitting between them who spent the whole show looking like a puppy getting his belly rubbed.

(BTW, if you get BBC America, check out The Graham Norton Show–better than any late night talk show we have here in The Colonies.)

I know 2 reasons I hate Katy Perry: I Kissed a Girl and now California Girls, which she performed on TGNS.

Jill Sobule did a great song called I Kissed A Girl about 15 years ago. It was a medium hit. Go listen to that song and compare it to the KP song of the same title. Jill’s song is cute and real and sexy. Jill definitely kissed a girl, and not as research or attention-whoring in front of real or imaginary guys. 

KP’s song ripping off Jill’s title is sexy like one of the lizard-women masquerading as human on the TV show V. Cold, calculated (not calculating–calculated), self-aware, unblinking, on display. There’s something deeply wrong with a culture that makes KP’s IKAG a bigger hit than Jill’s sexy little oops too much wine girls night in hmmm going to have think about that some more song.

Now, KP tries to steal the title of the Beach Boys classic California Girls to crank out another robo-whore hit. If she succeeds, her shitty little hello I’m a slutty cunt lyrics will drown out the Beach Boys romantic naive teenage poetry.

 Clearly, KP is pursuing a strategy of plopping her big fat butt down on older better songs to smother them and exploit them. And, I’d suggest, she’s picking songs that particularly annoy her reptilian brain. Songs that make sex not so much like Fuck Like A Beast. I could be giving her more credit than she deserves. This could be her crew, but I think she’s smart enough that she’s culpable.

Most of the time, I write this blog to piss off/on other people who I want to piss off/on. Today it’s for me. Now I know why I hate Katy Perry, from writing this.

And why I’m sick and fucking tired of her fiancee Russell Brand. These are smart, clever, privileged people who are still 12 years old emotionally. Rebels without a clue, they don’t give a shit about anything stodgy and important any more than they did when they were 12. They rebel against people who aren’t as cute and effortlessly smart as they are by being snide and arch. How brave they are to make fun of those who aren’t so snottily gifted. They have visceral contempt for people who work hard, who slog through, who can’t think of a snappy comeback because they’re too goddamn tired after a hard day and even if they weren’t they wouldn’t act like this because they have better manners.

If you put Katy Russell in charge of things they would gape and flounder and behave even worse than Barack Obama. Like Barack, they think pretty and clever uber alles, wave to the proles. 

Katy and Russell are nothing more than Bristol and Levi, with an IQ lift.  At least Sarah Palin’s slutty brat and her baby-daddy have the excuse of being dumb as a box of rocks. Katy and Russell c0uld actually contribute something, but they refuse except for contributing to the destruction of Western civilization. Russell sneers cleverly and drunkenly; Katy strums her pussy like it’s a comedy puppet. 

See the movie Ridicule. Great movie. Once you see it, you’ll know why I hate KP and her little Russell terrier bitch.