Why I Hate Julia Roberts

She’s a Hindu now. No, really. That’s what she says.

Because reincarnation gives her a warm fuzzy and she sees an “old soul” when her daughter sits in a certain way.

She gave up Catholicism because “the silent reverence is not who I am.” She sort of gets Baptists because they appreciate community.

Basically, she tries on religions like underwear. Do they bind? Do they make my ass look fat? Not a single thought about whether they’re true or not.

I’ve always hated Julia Roberts. I think the only movie of hers I’ve seen all the way through was the one with her and Mel Gibson and I think I was hoping he’d kill her before it was over. Never saw Pretty Woman. Or 4 Weddings and a Fried Tomato. Or Erin YouAre SuchaDumbBitch.

Now, I’m not deranged in my Julia Roberts hatred. I’m deranged in my Andie McDowell hatred. Andie is Julia’s evil twin. If I were seated next to Andie at a restaurant, I’d go over the table with a bread knife to try to take her out. I’d throw burning bananas Foster in her face screaming Allahu Shut The HELL UP your screechy dolphin voice burns my brain Akbar!

I get that JR is talented and pretty and the most alpha-woman in the world. It goes against my JR-hatred that she married Lyle Lovett. I love LL. If I married him, I’d never divorce him. I’d stand by my man.

They met on a movie set and the divorce was final 2 years later. Good on LL for hittin’ it and quittin’ it. Nice line-item on his sexual resume. I bet nobody says no now.

There’s something deeply wrong with Julia Roberts like there’s something wrong with Katy Perry.

Evidence of that will keep coming out on both of them, but all you need is a little spidey-sense.

Anti-Muslim Bigotry

Here’s the dictionary.com definition of bigotry:

Stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one’s own… Narrow-mindedness, bias, discrimination.

All Muslims are bigots by that simple definition. They are intolerant of Jews, uppity wimmen, people who want to leave Islam and conditionally hate everyone who isn’t yet Muslim. “Moderate” Muslims are those too lazy to kill or too cowardly to oppose the killing done and applauded by a significant, powerful plurality of Muslims.

If Muslims are entitled to hate all Americans and Jews because of the actions of American and Jewish political leaders, certainly we are entitled to hate all Muslims for the actions of their political leaders. Americans clogged the streets protesting Viet Nam and every war since conducted by the American government. But Muslims clogged the streets applauding 9-11. Name one single mass protest against what happened on 9-11 in any Muslim country. Even if just a few hundred people. The Muslim world cheered 9-11. There were no Muslim protests against that terrorism, like there were protests against Viet Nam and Iraq in America. We shouldn’t forget that.

A guy I thought was a friend, who worked near me, from Somalia, couldn’t contain his joy when the planes hit the buildings. He still has his job, if not his friends, in America. It’s the same job he had on 9-11. I guess we’re not complete pussies since we’ve passively-aggressively punished him while paying him.

Unless you’re stupid, you know that I’m right. Go back to my “Muslim litmus test” post and find me some Muslims who can pass it. Seriously, knock on the door of that Muslim family in your neighborhood and ask them to talk about those issues. Let me know how it goes.

I’m not saying all Muslims are evil people. I’m saying all Muslims more or less submit to evil ideas and pass them on to their children. Muslims keep their children from learning decent moral values like the Amish keep their kids from using technology.

All Muslims, to whatever extent they have the energy, as a matter of duty, work to impose evil things (sharia imperialism, hatred of Jews, abolition of human rights, oppression of women) on the rest of us. And they teach that to their kids. There is no Muslim in the world who could pass my litmus test and then read off those principles in front of everyone in their mosque without serious, perhaps deadly, consequences. No Muslim mosque anywhere in the world would break into spontaneous applause in favor of my litmus test principles.

Prove me wrong or shut the hell up about “anti-Muslim bigotry.”

I’m going to keep distilling this till I get it completely clear and simple:

• We are making a category mistake classifying Islam as a religion in the same sense that Christianity is a religion.
• Islam, in its internal dynamics and goals, is more an expansionist criminal organization with mystical cult overtones than it is a religion. Kind of like the Christian drug cartel that’s killing everyone in Juarez.
• Muslims in America are more like coopted civilians or active members of the Mafia than they are citizens. Their allegiance is much more to the Imam/Don than to the USA or to us infidel citizens.
• Muslims are dedicated to the overthrow of the United States government and the eradication of the very idea of human rights.
• Muslims lie about their goals and intentions. Doing so is an explicit part of their strategy, religion and culture.

Damn right I’m Anti-Muslim. Muslims are seriously lucky that my opposition to them isn’t hatred and is bounded by civilized rules they don’t respect but by which they will ultimately be defeated.

Facts and Predictions about the Ground Zero Hamosque

• The mosque-mongers won’t give up easily and agree to build elsewhere. Only when it becomes humiliatingly clear that no way in hell are Americans going to allow this will they back off. And it’s becoming increasingly clear that we’re serious about this, you bastards. If this vile little lying Imam backs down, this will be a huge symbolic defeat for Muslim racists everywhere, unless our douchebag politicians gratuitously cringe and fawn to make up for it.
• The governor of New York is dangerously close to being exactly that dhimmi douchebag I’m talking about. It’s been well-publicized that he’s begged the Imam for a meeting multiple times and been spurned. He better man up or shut up. How strange is it that the governor of New York can’t get his phone calls returned by this “bridge building” Imam?
• This is about doing a touchdown dance on Ground Zero. Every time you hear that Imam or his lying clitless beast of a wife say “build bridges” they mean “make you blink.”
• You have to be beyond stupid at this point to think this is about a group of Muslims who are into peace, love and understanding. This is a probe, like what the aliens did to Cartman’s ass.
• Muslims are liars whenever they talk about assimilation and accommodation with the non-Muslim societies they patiently infiltrate and subvert.
• This particular mosque-mongering Imam is a moderate Muslim. In fact, he’s the very model of a modern moderate Muslim. He wants Sharia law in America, he refuses to distance himself from Hamas or any other terrorist organizations, he blames the USA for pissing off UBL so much that 9/11 was a predictable, if not completely justifiable, reaction. He has used the term “Sharia-compliant” with regard to where he wants to see America go, and has defined that as allowing him and his cronies to have separate courts and laws and jurisdiction over their “own” people.  Yeah, that’s assimilation. See how that strategy is working out right now in England. Muslim thugs are de facto taking over neighborhoods in London now, turning them into no-go zones for cops and other infidels.
• Even if you were to buy that this Imam is a well-meaning guy (and you have to be stupid to buy into the idea that anybody who won’t condemn Hamas is well-meaning), millions of murdering Muslim militants will interpret this as proof of the success of 9/11 and their dominance over decadent infidel America. And if this abominable thing ever gets built, they’ll be right.
• There’s nothing wrong with being anti-Muslim. There’s something wrong with being Muslim. Observant Muslims are sexist, racist, totalitarian terrorist-sympathizers, at best. Millions of them are terrorists. We need to turn this around–Muslims, as a general rule, are assholes. Not people who oppose them.
• This asinine notion that American Muslims are “different”  than other Muslims is idiotic. American Muslims are as awful as Muslims everywhere.  Who’s that guy Obama’s trying to drone-kill in Yemen? Oh, yeah, he’s an American Imam from Virginia who used to be touted as a moderate like this camel-raper who’s trying to build the Hamosque. The Yemen/Virginia guy wound up the keys in the backs of the underpants and Times Square fizzler bombers.

Yeah, I’m anti-Muslim. I’m anti-Mormon polygamist, anti-KKK, anti-Aryan Nations, and really really really really anti-Democrat.

There’s no intellectual or even psychological excuse for being a Democrat anymore in America. You’re just a stupid random idiot who sympathizes only with those who don’t deserve sympathy, or you are a rent-seeking  leech sucking money out of the government-employee-union complex. But I’m not talking about Democrats here, it’s just that every time I think of them, I get a hate-on. So I had to say that. Sorry to get sidetracked. Fuck, I hate Democrats.

Ok, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Here’s a litmus/loyalty test for American Muslims. If you as a Muslim fail even a single item below, you fail and I will have nothing to do with you.  Muslims, print out the following, read it out loud and post the video on YouTube:

• I condemn Hamas and Hezbollah as terrorist organizations that no Muslim should support. Any Muslim who verbally or financially  supports either of these organizations is a terrorist and worse than an infidel, and I will turn their names in to law enforcement agencies. Further, I renounce any organization or Muslim who supports or commits violence in Israel or any non-Muslim nation-state and promise to help law enforcement to the best of my ability to prevent such acts.
• I recognize the right of Israel to exist and I call on all Muslims to accept this too. Anything in the Koran or the Hadith that curses the Jews as a race is crap. Muslim anti-Jewish attitudes are a disgrace. We have much to learn from the tiny nation of Israel about human rights and tolerance. Not to mention military strategy.
• Any Muslim who wishes to leave the faith should be allowed to do so. Families who coerce or punish apostates are despicable.
• Being gay is OK. I may not like it, but I will not persecute or harass homosexuals. Any Muslim country that does this is evil and I denounce them. I am aware that these Muslim states currently persecute homosexuals: <List>. I condemn each one categorically.
• In the United States of America, where I live, I renounce any and all efforts to replace the Constitution of the United States or the Constitution of any state with Sharia law. I will not support Sharia courts, even as private entities with voluntary jurisdictions.
• No matter how egregious the offense against the faith or my honor, I will not kidnap, kill or remove any family member to a Sharia-observant country to deal with the problem.
• If South Park wants to make fun of Mohammed, let them. They can say Mohammed is a pedophile. They can dress him up in a bear suit. They can tell lies, distort the truth and all I’ll do is talk back. Any Muslim who threatens South Park should be dressed up in a bear suit and have electrodes attached to his testicles.
• The fatwa against Salmon Rushdie was evil and every Muslim in favor of it should be ashamed and shamed. We need multiple fatwas celebrating Rushdie and condemning the murdering weasels who published the fatwa against him. I will tell my Imam so next Friday. If he blows me off, I’m done with him. I will find an Imam who will publish pro-Rushdie fatwas, or die trying.
• Any Muslim state that uses amputation or stoning to punish any offense is an evil state and I condemn it. <See above–you must do it categorically, and should obviously include Iran, Saudi Arabia and about 20 other horrible little Muslim Thunderdome-ocracies>
• I support the principles embodied in the first amendment to the United States Constitution:  Separation of Church and State, free speech, no matter how offensive to my sensibilities or religion, and the right of the governed to protest government actions without fear of being gunned down in the streets.
• I call on the government of Iran to stop all nuclear weapons programs. Everyone involved in killing protesters in the last few years must be brought to justice before the Iranian regime can be treated as a legitimate state.
• I call on the the government of Pakistan to subject their nuclear weapons stockpiles to international authority to ensure that radical murderous Muslim supremacists do not gain control of those weapons.
• I call on the government of Saudi Arabia to disband the religious police who harass and murder women and girls and to try the clerics responsible for these many murders.  And I call on fucking Sting to write a fucking song about it.

The list above isn’t all that much to assent to, if you’re an American. It”s a lot if you’re Muslim.

Good luck finding 5 observant Muslims in America who would even agree with half of the points above. Good luck finding even 5 Republicans or Democrats who wouldn’t agree with all of  the points above (well, some Republicans might not agree with the Gay point, and some Democrats might not agree with leashing Pakistan).

I’m not anti-Muslim. I’m just anti-anyone-who-can’t-agree-with-almost-all-of-the-points-above.

UPDATE APRIL 2019: Fuck to the Yeah!

Dr. Laura, BIH

All the conservatives thinking she’s been railroaded off the air for offending people’s delicate racial sensitivities need to hear what she actually said.

That might be hard since Dr. Laura has excised it from her web sites copy of the tape. But here’s the transcript (copied and pasted courtesy of Media Matters).

To set the stage, a perfectly nice black woman, a long-suffering black woman, calls up to ask sincerely how to deal with her white husband’s racist yahoo friends coming over and poking at her about race while her puss of a husband pretends he doesn’t notice.

CALLER: Hi, Dr. Laura.
SCHLESSINGER: Hi.
CALLER: I’m having an issue with my husband where I’m starting to grow very resentful of him. I’m black, and he’s white. We’ve been around some of his friends and family members who start making racist comments as if I’m not there or if I’m not black. And my husband ignores those comments, and it hurts my feelings. And he acts like —
SCHLESSINGER: Well, can you give me an example of a racist comment? ‘Cause sometimes people are hypersensitive. So tell me what’s — give me two good examples of racist comments.
CALLER: OK. Last night — good example — we had a neighbor come over, and this neighbor — when every time he comes over, it’s always a black comment. It’s, “Oh, well, how do you black people like doing this?” And, “Do black people really like doing that?” And for a long time, I would ignore it. But last night, I got to the point where it —
SCHLESSINGER: I don’t think that’s racist.
CALLER: Well, the stereotype —
SCHLESSINGER: I don’t think that’s racist. No, I think that —
CALLER: [unintelligible]
SCHLESSINGER: No, no, no. I think that’s — well, listen, without giving much thought, a lot of blacks voted for Obama simply ’cause he was half-black. Didn’t matter what he was gonna do in office, it was a black thing. You gotta know that. That’s not a surprise. Not everything that somebody says — we had friends over the other day; we got about 35 people here — the guys who were gonna start playing basketball. I was going to go out and play basketball. My bodyguard and my dear friend is a black man. And I said, “White men can’t jump; I want you on my team.” That was racist? That was funny.
CALLER: How about the N-word? So, the N-word’s been thrown around —
SCHLESSINGER: Black guys use it all the time. Turn on HBO, listen to a black comic, and all you hear is nigger, nigger, nigger.
CALLER: That isn’t —
SCHLESSINGER: I don’t get it. If anybody without enough melanin says it, it’s a horrible thing; but when black people say it, it’s affectionate. It’s very confusing. Don’t hang up, I want to talk to you some more. Don’t go away.
I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I’ll be right back.
After taking a commercial break, Schlessinger resumed her discussion with the caller:

SCHLESSINGER: I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger, talking to Jade. What did you think about during the break, by the way?
CALLER: I was a little caught back by the N-word that you spewed out, I have to be honest with you. But my point is, race relations —
SCHLESSINGER: Oh, then I guess you don’t watch HBO or listen to any black comedians.
CALLER: But that doesn’t make it right. I mean, race is a [unintelligible] —
SCHLESSINGER: My dear, my dear —
CALLER: — since Obama’s been in office —
SCHLESSINGER: — the point I’m trying to make —
CALLER: — racism has come to another level that’s unacceptable.
SCHLESSINGER: Yeah. We’ve got a black man as president, and we have more complaining about racism than ever. I mean, I think that’s hilarious.
CALLER: But I think, honestly, because there’s more white people afraid of a black man taking over the nation.
SCHLESSINGER: They’re afraid.
CALLER: If you want to be honest about it [unintelligible]
SCHLESSINGER: Dear, they voted him in. Only 12 percent of the population’s black. Whites voted him in.
CALLER: It was the younger generation that did it. It wasn’t the older white people who did it.
SCHLESSINGER: Oh, OK.
CALLER: It was the younger generation —
SCHLESSINGER: All right. All right.
CALLER: — that did it.
SCHLESSINGER: Chip on your shoulder. I can’t do much about that.
CALLER: It’s not like that.
SCHLESSINGER: Yeah. I think you have too much sensitivity —
CALLER: So it’s OK to say “nigger”?
SCHLESSINGER: — and not enough sense of humor.
CALLER: It’s OK to say that word?
SCHLESSINGER: It depends how it’s said.
CALLER: Is it OK to say that word? Is it ever OK to say that word?
SCHLESSINGER: It’s — it depends how it’s said. Black guys talking to each other seem to think it’s OK.
CALLER: But you’re not black. They’re not black. My husband is white.
SCHLESSINGER: Oh, I see. So, a word is restricted to race. Got it. Can’t do much about that.
CALLER: I can’t believe someone like you is on the radio spewing out the “nigger” word, and I hope everybody heard it.
SCHLESSINGER: I didn’t spew out the “nigger” word.
CALLER: You said, “Nigger, nigger, nigger.”
SCHLESSINGER: Right, I said that’s what you hear.
CALLER: Everybody heard it.
SCHLESSINGER: Yes, they did.
CALLER: I hope everybody heard it.
SCHLESSINGER: They did, and I’ll say it again —
CALLER: So what makes it OK for you to say the word?
SCHLESSINGER: — nigger, nigger, nigger is what you hear on HB —
CALLER: So what makes it —
SCHLESSINGER: Why don’t you let me finish a sentence?
CALLER: OK.
SCHLESSINGER: Don’t take things out of context. Don’t double N — NAACP me. Tape the —
CALLER: I know what the NAACP —
SCHLESSINGER: Leave them in context.
CALLER: I know what the N-word means and I know it came from a white person. And I know the white person made it bad.
SCHLESSINGER: All right. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Can’t have this argument. You know what? If you’re that hypersensitive about color and don’t have a sense of humor, don’t marry out of your race. If you’re going to marry out of your race, people are going to say, “OK, what do blacks think? What do whites think? What do Jews think? What do Catholics think?” Of course there isn’t a one-think per se. But in general there’s “think.”
And what I just heard from Jade is a lot of what I hear from black-think — and it’s really distressting [sic] and disturbing. And to put it in its context, she said the N-word, and I said, on HBO, listening to black comics, you hear “nigger, nigger, nigger.” I didn’t call anybody a nigger. Nice try, Jade. Actually, sucky try.
Need a sense of humor, sense of humor — and answer the question. When somebody says, “What do blacks think?” say, “This is what I think. This is what I read that if you take a poll the majority of blacks think this.” Answer the question and discuss the issue. It’s like we can’t discuss anything without saying there’s -isms?
We have to be able to discuss these things. We’re people — goodness gracious me. Ah — hypersensitivity, OK, which is being bred by black activists. I really thought that once we had a black president, the attempt to demonize whites hating blacks would stop, but it seems to have grown, and I don’t get it. Yes, I do. It’s all about power. I do get it. It’s all about power and that’s sad because what should be in power is not power or righteousness to do good — that should be the greatest power.

Note: I have done a search and replace and will use KrazyKunt for the rest of this post to refer to Dr. Laura. Why?

First, her degree isn’t in anything to do with clinical counseling, so I don’t like calling her Dr.

Second, it creeps me out to just call her Laura.

Third, I can’t remember how to spell Sshlesshingher.

Fourth, she’s a KrazyKunt.

Media Matters also has the audio of the call, and the audio is worse than the transcript. If you’ve listened to KrazyKunt, you know how she frequently drips sneering contempt on those she takes an instant dislike to. Imagine KrazyKunt at her Dr. Evil best and that’s how the call went.

One of the worst things about KK is how she jumps to conclusions, pounces on innocent people asking for help and then jettisons them bleeding to deal on their own with her little hate-burst. So this isn’t like KK is behaving out of character jumping on this woman for no good reason. This is by no means the worst thing that psycho bitch has done to vulnerable, nice people who call her for help and instead get a scorpion tossed at them. But it is racist, so now we’re finally going to do something about it.

Let’s keep in mind that this woman who called is a KK LISTENER. So that means she has a few problems of her own, but it still means that she’s probably very conservative, responsible and traditional. And I have to applaud her for her dignity and patience. Probably, this woman’s used to dealing with crap like this from being around her feckless husband and his moronic passive-aggressive friends. Still, there’s no excuse for how she was treated. KK can try to apologize all she wants, but she’s been abusing multiple callers like this every night for years. She won’t live long enough to write all the apologies she really should write.

And, in full disclosure, I agree subtantively with several of the abstract points that KrazyKunt made. I’m sick and tired of blacks casually using the word nigger and making it a neutron bomb for everyone else.  But I still laugh my ass off at Boondocks and Chris Rock when I really should get All Outraged and write Letters and tell them to Stop. I’m a wicked hypocritical white man. I find time to post stuff like this, so you’d think I could find time to write to HBO and tell them to Stop.

Regardless, it’s calculating bullshit on black peoples’ part. Any black person who flaunts the word nigger in front of white people should be called on the carpet, period. Just as hard as that guy from Seinfeld was. Black people say nigger in front of white people for the same reasons  your mom stuck a thermometer up your butt when you were a baby. To take your temperature or because she knew you didn’t like it. It’s how blacks know they’re still successfully guilting Non-Racist Whites–we don’t have the guts to call them on obnoxious crap like this.

Nigger would have gone the way of Polack were it not for black people fanning the flames, keeping it alive, nurturing it and using it for social advantage. None of which matters right now, but the last thing anyone needs is some stupid white person defending KK on technicalities. So let’s all acknowledge that KK spewed some points that better people than her have made, like me, but that wasn’t the point.

Because what’s wrong with what KrazyKunt said is the venom and the glee. KK sided with racist yahoos harassing a nice black woman in front of her gelded husband.  KK jumped, like static electricity jumps, from this woman’s legitimate dilemma to a political rant that she’d been suppressing with as much difficulty as a woman trying to suppress the urge to pop a zit on her boyfriend’s back. (How’s that for a great mixed metaphor?)

And KK didn’t  just say nigger. She said nigger nigger nigger.  Over and over. And in her patented, trademarked Cuntemptible Voice.  And she told the woman to go screw herself and stay with her own kind if she can’t take a little mean-spirited shit from her husband’s hillbilly friends. (You know who’s the worst person in all this? That woman’s husband. What a piece of phlegm he is. I hope she divorces him.)

Now, to go out on a high note, for years, I’ve played a Dr. Laura party game that cracks people up and that I now want to share with the world.

It’s simple, fun and creative. Make up sentences like these–

If Dr. Laura were wanting to make up with someone, she’d be cunt-ciliatory.

If Dr. Laura got in an argument with somebody, she’d be cunt-tentious.

If Dr. Laura were to ask you to agree to something, she’d want your cunt-sent.

It’s a lot funnier verbally than in writing. It appalls my wife, but it cracks everyone else up. I’ve got hundreds of them, but I’ll let you have the fun of discovering more on your own.

Here’s a new one:

If Dr. Laura were a black slave, she’d be Cunta Kinte…

The Bottom Line about the Ground Zero Mosque

Let’s assume that the Imam in hiding behind this is purely innocent. Let’s assume all the money coming in is innocent too.

We all know that the Imam is a terrorist-sympathising-if-not-funding liar and the people paying the $100M are murky and evil, but let’s assume….

Let’s assume that only 5% or 1% or .5% of the Muslims in the world are jihadists ready to strap on a bomb and 95% or 99% or 99.5% of Muslims lack the courage of their convictions….

This Muslim abomination at ground zero will, regardless of the intentions of those who build it, give aid and comfort to the millions of Muslims (even at .5 percent, there are millions) who will look at us letting them build this as a symbol of us knuckling under to them. Our readiness for dhimmitude. Look it up if you don’t know what dhimmitude is. Building mosques on top of the murdered corpses of their conquests is a proud tradition in Islam.

Look up what happened at Cordoba, when you’re thinking about whether it’s ok to have this Cordoba House erected here.

Make no mistake: whatever else this is, building this “Muslim Center” is an insult and a test for every American. If it gets built, we blinked. If it gets built when 2/3 of Americans think this is wrong as hell, it shows that 2/3 of Americans are cattle.

If you don’t get that, you are dhimmi, unworthy of being an American. If you are in favor of letting them build this, you are too stupid to argue with, at best. More likely, you’re a morally corrupt self-hating passive wuss. The 1/3 of Americans in favor of building this–what the hell is wrong with you people? You should be deported before we deport a single Muslim.

Anyhow, I don’t think it will get built.

I hate Katy Perry

She makes my spidey sense tingle.

I should like her. She’s hot as hell and my type of hot. She sings OK. Better than Britney. Though if I’m going to listen to a hot chick who can barely sing, I’m all over Lily Allen. I mean, I’d like to be all over Lily Allen. I get no creepy feeling about Lily Allen–she’d have all the creepy feelings if we ever met.

Katy Perry is smart and funny. I just saw her on Graham Norton with Anna Kournikova and some unknown British comic sitting between them who spent the whole show looking like a puppy getting his belly rubbed.

(BTW, if you get BBC America, check out The Graham Norton Show–better than any late night talk show we have here in The Colonies.)

I know 2 reasons I hate Katy Perry: I Kissed a Girl and now California Girls, which she performed on TGNS.

Jill Sobule did a great song called I Kissed A Girl about 15 years ago. It was a medium hit. Go listen to that song and compare it to the KP song of the same title. Jill’s song is cute and real and sexy. Jill definitely kissed a girl, and not as research or attention-whoring in front of real or imaginary guys.

KP’s song ripping off Jill’s title is sexy like one of the lizard-women masquerading as human on the TV show V. Cold, calculated (not calculating–calculated), self-aware, unblinking, on display. There’s something deeply wrong with a culture that makes KP’s IKAG a bigger hit than Jill’s sexy little oops too much wine girls night in hmmm going to have think about that some more song.

Now, KP tries to steal the title of the Beach Boys classic California Girls to crank out another robo-whore hit.

Clearly, KP is pursuing a strategy of plopping her robo-butt down on older better songs to smother them and exploit them.

Most of the time, I write this blog to annoy other people. Today it’s for me. Now I know why I hate Katy Perry, from writing this.

And why I’m sick and tired of her fiancee Russell Brand. These are smart, clever, privileged people who are still 12 years old emotionally. Rebels without a clue, they don’t give a damn about anything adult or important any more than they did when they were 12. They rebel against people who aren’t as cute and effortlessly smart as they are by being snide and arch.

How brave they are to make fun of those who aren’t so gifted. They have visceral contempt for people who work hard, who slog through, who can’t think of a snappy comeback because they’re too tired after a hard day and even if they weren’t they wouldn’t act like this because they have better manners.

If you put Katy or Russell in charge of things they would gape and flounder and behave even worse than Barack Obama. Like Barack, they think pretty and clever uber alles, so wave to the proles.

Katy and Russell are nothing more than Bristol and Levi, with an IQ lift.  At least Sarah Palin’s slutty brat and her baby-daddy have the excuse of being dumb as a box of rocks. Katy and Russell could actually contribute something, but they refuse except for contributing to the destruction of Western civilization. Russell sneers cleverly and drunkenly; Katy flaunts her boobs on Sesame Street like they’re new Muppets, Flim and Flam.

UPDATE April 2019: I have to confess, I love Katy Perry as a judge on American Idol. She is so damn poisonously cute!

Please shoot yourself in the head

The black guy in Connecticut who got fired for stealing beer and killed more than half a dozen co-workers on his way out, he played the race card and played it hard. He called up his mom, he called 911 and made sure everyone got told that all of this was about people not liking him being black.

I’m sure that the day all his co-workers died wasn’t the first time this victimization-addled moron played that card. He justified his thefts with the race card. He excused his failures by slapping the race card down on the table. I’m sure he was playing that card from day one in kindergarten.

People who play the race card aren’t harmless. This pinhead, and Jesse Jackson, and that lying sack of civil rights card-playing John Lewis and his buddies who lied about the Tea Partiers spitting and screaming racist slurs at them…. there’s no difference in how any of them play the race card. They’re all equally pathological liars and self-excusers. No, I’m not saying Jesse and John are going to go postal–I’m saying that they are just as shamelessly and amorally self-excusing as the Connecticut guy.

The Race Card is over. Blacks are Boy Who Cried Wolf, and I use the term “boy” with full cognizance of how You People try to have a hissy fit if anyone white says “boy.” Boy Boy Boy Boy Boy Boy. Get over it. Racism isn’t your problem, you are.

Black people in America who think that excessive pigment is why they aren’t making it are in denial about their personal, individual failures. I’m sick and tired of all y’all. Black people who don’t primarily identify themselves as black seem to be doing fine. Take a hint about what works, you racist idiots who think that the most important thing that explains all your failures is your skin color.

Nice white people are this close to being done with your racist excuses. As the economy worsens, our sympathy shallows even more. Now is not the right time to step up Race Card whining, but, boy, you sure have done exactly that.

Hey, black people, I got your race card right here: I’m sick and tired of your 80% out-of-wedlock  birth rate. I’m really tired of your criminality. We put lots more black men in jail because lots more black men commit real, not just drug, crimes. It’s not racist, it’s the right thing to do. It’s not like cops are turning a blind eye to millions of white kids committing robberies and burglaries and murders to collar only your oppressed asses.

You’re annoyed you can’t go in white neighborhoods without the cops pulling you over?  I’m annoyed I can’t park in black neighborhoods without getting my wheels stolen and my car put up on blocks, if I’m lucky enough not to get robbed on the street.

Here’s an idea, black men who feel aggrieved over being black: Get some Uncle Tom values and respect education and marriage and stop being criminals. We don’t have to tell Asians to shape up like this. Shut the fuck up with your gangsta-rap. I’m glad Biggie Smalls is dead. And every other gangster rapper who’s gotten shot to death–I dance on their graves too.  I’m just sorry any of them are still alive.

Accept the shame you deserve for making so many black women into irrational aggressive behemoths to make up for your lack of manning up. If you have children under 18 by more than one woman, breathe in the fact that you are a huge stupid sperm fountain who’s ruining everything for other black people.

I’m sure this will be considered racist. I expect I’ll get reported to google for this.

Until I do, I’ll keep updating this, because if I don’t get reported, obviously I’m not telling the truth clearly enough.

Nothing will appease black people who have built their life-strategies on bitching about how they get screwed over for being black.  Just like nothing will appease people who whine about being abused by their parents as their life-excuse.

The only thing that will help these professional victims is to tell them to put on their big girl panties quit feeling specially picked on by the universe. All of a sudden, they might realize that their damage is not who they have to be.

Black people, I’m your best friend.

UPDATE: The EEOC is thinking about making new rules to restrict employers from considering criminal history and credit reports in employment decisions. Several decades ago, they restricted employers from using IQ or any other intelligence test as a screen for employment because minorities did a lot worse on such tests than whites. I’m not arguing here that the IQ tests aren’t racially biased. I’m pointing out that the same rationale for outlawing those tests is now being used to restrict employers from considering criminality and financial irresponsibility.

Really, minorities? You think this is going to work out?

I work for a corporation that is highly invested in IQ. They can’t give IQ tests in general, so they’ve  invented interview puzzles. Basically what you knew as word problems in grade school.

Here’s the point: if you think that employers are going to stop checking for criminal history or financial irresponsibility because the Feds say they must, you’re stupid. They’ll do it covertly and will reject people they otherwise would accept, like they do now for intelligence. If you have a tattoo on your upper arm, you won’t get hired. Especially if it’s a bracelet of any kind that goes around your arm. They’ll ask women if they think that people should put their money in a savings account or a mutual fund. We’ll substitute covert blunt instruments to rule out people who might be a problem, regardless of whether they might be brilliant, instead of using obvious disqualifiers.

Here’s my last incendiary trying to get reported to google statement for today:

Hey, black people: Thank God and bless your ancestors for being kidnaped and abused in America–their slavery and misery made you one of the luckiest of the lucky.

Unearned Affluence

Glenn Beck has been banging the drum for the notion that the reason America is so messed up is because we aren’t into God anymore. If we’d just get back into God, Obama would melt like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Today, while commercial-surfing, I heard Rush Limbaugh start banging the same drum. To be fair, Limbaugh was doing it far more stupidly than Beck. Say what you want about Beck, he’s pretty well-read and, despite what people think, pretty reasonable, if excitable.

Limbaugh, on the other hand, was recycling arguments that were soundly defeated even by Thomas Aquinas, who wanted to propound better arguments for the existence of God than the kind of illogic that Limbaugh bases his God-mongering on.

Beck takes his belief in God seriously; Limbaugh does not.

But that’s neither here nor there–I was just so annoyed listening to Limbaugh’s jejune adolescent “Hello, god, it’s me, Rush” faux piety that I wanted to trash him a little.

Both Beck and Limbaugh are wrong about why America sucks so much these days. It’s not about lack of belief in God, it’s about Unearned Affluence. And God-believers are as guilty as anyone for turning their next generation into Unearned Affluent Brats (UAB’s).

Not only does Unearned Affluence spoil a person, it’s terrifying. Even if you’re really stupid, you start to realize at a certain point that if the free money went away, you wouldn’t know how to make your own way in the world.

If you’re Paris Hilton, you get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you think about daddy cutting you off. If you’re a grad student in feminist studies, you think about what might happen if you said anything that contradicted your teachers and you were ostracized and fired. If you have a federal job, you sit there all day and read magazine stories about Paris Hilton and wonder, what if they decided I wasn’t actually contributing anything?

I’m not talking about the fear any sensible person feels about what they might do if the entire societal infrastructure suddenly went to Road Warrior. I’m talking about the fear of not being able to figure out how to make your way even in the world’s most incredibly forgiving and nurturing societal infrastructure.

At the right level, being terrified by your own Unearned Affluence is a good thing. It’s when you repress it and turn it into a sense of spoiled entitlement that it curdles into decadence. Until you pull that stupid human trick, you realize that your comfort and safety were bought with better people’s blood and sacrifice. You understand that civilization is as fragile as it is amazing and you should tiptoe around tampering with it. You don’t try to make it better with a sledgehammer. You respect instead of resent those who keep it going.

But at the level of Kim Kardashian and Barack and Michelle Obama and the typical welfare mother and too many middle class kids in America today and most everyone working for a higher or lower educational institution or any level of government, you end up thinking the right thing is to hold a sledgehammer to the head of the goose that lays the golden eggs.

You hate the bourgeois drones who annoy you and make your life possible. You have no understanding of what they do, but you’re sure it’s easy and you can do it better and the only reason you don’t is because it’s boring and they should be grateful you don’t club them.

Your world is simple and obvious. You think all you need is to overthrow the adults and there’d be utopia and nobody would restrict your access to the car keys and credit cards. What you’d do when the gasoline runs out (or spills out all over the Gulf) or when the credit card company calls up and asks about payment doesn’t occur to you. Seriously, everyone in the Obama administration is just this stupid and adolescent.

ODS alert: Barack Obama has proven, contrary to my hopes and cheerleading, that he has no intention of learning a thing as president. He’s as irrevocably stupid as one of those adolescent monsters on Lost in Space (the in-color years) who would kidnap Penny and make her dance in a cage until she was rescued and the little brat got his comeuppance by being exiled to some other dimension. I’m thinking about registering letsexilebaracktoanotherdimension.com.

Everyone on welfare in America is part of the Unearned Affluence society. They’ve never had to control their behavior and never had to meet someone else’s needs in order to get their own met. Same goes for most people going to Ivy League colleges. They’re also on welfare, just paid by their rich stupid parents, most of whom are generational welfare recipients too, just as insiders not outsiders.  Nearly everyone in America who works for an educational or governmental institution and is not in the hard sciences is a welfare bum of one kind or another.  And most union members too, way to degenerate, guys.

At a deep, but not always unconscious, level, they’re all terrified. They feel, deeply, 2am deeply, that they haven’t done anything to deserve it. At the high end of the UAB chain, they don’t know how to change their own oil, much less clean up the Gulf.  Deep down, they don’t believe much of anything they say to themselves or to anyone else at parties where they guzzle Chardonnay and chomp down on Brie. Deep down, they’re scared they don’t have a deep down, and if they do have a deep down, they wonder why they haven’t found it yet. Like the low end of the UAB food chain welfare mothers, they’re scared to death everyone else will figure out their scam and cut them off.

We should cut them off. All of them. The ruling class and the mob. I’m proud bourgeoisie and I say anybody who isn’t bourgeois is pathetic. If you’ve ever said the word bourgeois with contempt in your voice come over to my house and I’ll knock your teeth out. How’s that for bourgeois?

Buffett and Bill’s Boneheaded Billionaire Adventure

Warren Buffett and Bill Gates are spearheading a campaign to shame other billionaires into giving at least half their money to “charity.”

This is a sickening, misguided campaign on several levels.

First, it gives aid and comfort to the rapacious redistributionists.

I don’t care whether Gates and Buffett feel like they are expiating some kind of guilt or paying off some kind of debt they owe, it will be perceived that way.

Everyone who resents success, who rationalizes feeling entitled to take what others have earned, is a little more emboldened by this announcement.

If you earn an honest living, and you are kind of privately resentful about how you are taxed and screwed with all the time to benefit lazy people who chronically behave in ways that you disrespect, and you’re trying hard not to feel contempt for them…

If you haven’t read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, I can’t think of a better day to go pick up a copy. One of Rand’s central insights was that self-hating capitalists are a much bigger problem than self-aggrandizing socialists when it comes to destroying a society. To put it in Oprah terms, Buffett and Gates are co-dependent enablers.

Today’s act of abasement doesn’t erase all the good that Gates and Buffett have done. But it sure does sully it. I mean, they sure have sullied it.

Keeping on in Oprah terms, I’ve done some pretty co-dependent stuff myself.  And so have you. It’s a long hard lesson to learn that sometimes–USUALLY–helping hurts, especially when you are trying to help those who are the most ostentatiously and aggressively helpless.  It takes huge wisdom, in any long term relationship, to relate without an expectation of reciprocity, without doing huge harm to the person who isn’t expected to give back. Take a look at the parent/child relationship, a perfectly appropriate example of a non-reciprocal relationship. How often does even that end up as a tangled neurotic mess?

In light of the above, I feel about Gates and Buffett right now like we all feel when a co-dependent friend does something particularly stupid, self-effacing and exploited.  Part of me feels sympathy, part of me wants to sit them down and give them a good talking to (like that will do any good), part of me wants to bitch-slap them and yell, How can you be so smart and still be so stupid, part of me wants to take away their checkbook, and all of me wants to beat the crap out of their brat/spouse/culture who’s exploiting them.

Second, it pulls billions in capital away from productive enterprises.

Where do you think Bill Gates and Warren Buffett have their money right now? Under a mattress?

They have it invested in their businesses and in other businesses. If they want to turn it into charitable Cash for Cretins, they’re going to have to pull that money out of those businesses. I was going to go into how the mechanics of this will go. But then I deleted it because either you already know or you don’t care. Bottom line: no matter how carefully, deviously or gradually they do it, they will suck a certain amount of value and possibility out of productive enterprises to fund this stupidity. Yes, on paper Bill Gates and Warren Buffett own all their wealth. In actuality, that wealth is being USED every day by millions of other productive people who have agreed to give back a little to the billionaires who’ve funded them when they get rich too. By creating jobs and products that we love.

Either you get this stuff or you don’t, so I’m going to stop trying to explain it.

Third, why do we want these guys to have that much influence over the rest of us?

Let’s say I’m a billionaire. Or you are. What are your pet peeves and causes? Here are some of mine:

The United Way. What a crock that charity is. I think I’ll spend a few billion to compete with them and try to replace them.

The French. I’ll start a TV network with really good programming in English only and with English lessons, beam it into France, and have a countdown on the screen: 1000 days left to learn English before there are no more subtitles. The Frogs are a bunch of ridiculous bigots about their language and we should do something about it.

Smart school kids. If you’ve been bullied more than 3x in the last year and you have an IQ over 120, you can qualify for a scholarship to my MMA  & AK-47’s summer camp. We’ll teach you to never use the AK-47 against anyone you’re tall enough to kick in the throat and you should always try to take your principal to the mat before shooting him through his office window. Fake clitoridectomy kits.  I’ll just leave it at that.

In Defense of Al Gore

That psycho bitch in Portland who got paid $500 to rub Al Gore and then went Eww! Eek! a mouse! when Gore showed his beady little trouser-snake eye…

She failed lie detector tests.

She’s from Portland, and so we know 80% statistically she’s a psycho.

She says she thought she was getting paid $500 for an uncomplicated massage. Most high end salons charge less than half of that.  Of course, the asinine news media, adept at missing details and contradictions, didn’t blink at $500 for a massage by someone working on their own, not in a salon, not even in a “salon.”

Gore got ripped off in Portland. He paid $500 to get his Mt. St. Helens blown, to get his Old Faithful erupted, and instead she fizzled his rocket. What’s a crazed sex poodle to do?

So, Al obviously goes around the country getting not-Tipper chicks to get him off. Didn’t work out so well in Portland, the land of the other white meat. We all know that Al is regularly having orgasms in the presence of women whose names he knows not. Now Tipper knows. So they’re getting divorced.

The only thing that could make this better for me is to see Tipper smooching on Dee Snider.

Anyhow, Al Gore and John Edwards and Bill Clinton are all entitled to cheat on their horrible starter wives that they’ve been stuck with only because they chose careers in politics. We should respect their sacrifices. Tipper, Liz and Hil–what a harpy triad they are. No wonder these guys cheat with succubi.