Briber-in-Chief

October 30, 2011

President Toonces never fails to sink to a new low just when you thought he’d gone as low as he can go. He’s running for president of the whole country like a Chicago ward boss. He’s trying to tune in to every lazy bone and crazy bone Americans have. Unfortunately for them, Toonces and his minions take their cues about what’s going on and who matters from the lamestream media echo chamber.

This week, they’ve noticed that the Occupy people are (1) tattooed slackers, goths and brats or (2) older tattooed slackers, goths and brats with big student loan bills from wasting their early 20’s on the dole at institutions of feminazi indoctrination. So Toonces is pandering to their stupidity and hoping they’ll think he’s really going to write off all their debt.

That’s not what he’s actually saying, but collegiate morons who pretended to study to avoid adulthood for another 4 to 7 years will think that’s what he’s saying, and that’s all that matters.

If you have federally insured student loan debt that you are hoping you can get out of paying back, I support you not paying it back, in these ways: I hope you get cancer and die before you’re 30. I hope you get kidnaped by Hannibal Lecter and he keeps you alive for several days. I hope you get hit and dragged under a city bus and you cost the taxpayers a hundred thousand dollars in medical costs before you expire after a couple of weeks in pain that no amount of morphine can alleviate. I hope you get syphilis. I hope a piece of space junk flames out and lands in your brain and leaves you smarter than the average Democrat voter.

 

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Job Corpse

October 30, 2011

There’s a new government-paid ad where some somewhat hot chick claims that Job Corps saved her, by giving her FREEEE-EE stuff. She says FREE-EE, dragging the word out a couple of times in the ad. She says that without Job Corps, she’d have never have been motivated to get off her pretty butt and do anything. The FREEEE-EE was what made her look up and take notice. FREEEE-EE room and board. FREEE-EE training.

It made me want to fuck up her pretty face. Don’t know if she’s named Celia or not. Your tax dollars at work, shilling yet another government program that doesn’t work.

 


Occupy This

October 27, 2011

In terms of demographic research, the whole Occupy movement will probably turn out out like this:

Occupy I fucking wasted my college years getting laid and choosing easy majors and easy girls: 50%

Occupy I fucking wasted my college years getting laid and choosing easy majors and fucking cute boys: 3%.

Occupy I was a fat horrible bitch in college and nobody at this protest complains about how bad I smell: 10%

Occupy I partied on student loans and now I don’t want to pay: 60%

Occupy no goddamn way am I going to spend my life delivering “excellent customer service”: 100%

Occupy I regret none of my tattoos or piercings: 70%

Occupy somebody else is paying for this: 80%

Occupy my parents are above the SES median: 90%

Occupy how fast I will shoot you if you go Oakland or Atlanta in my neighborhood: 100%

 

 

 


Morality vs Psychology

October 27, 2011

I’m watching Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers. Excuse: I’m an Adam Carolla fan, so I notice what Dr. Drew does.

Dr. Drew has a married couple on. She’s banging her ex and he knows it. Knows it like he knows dates, times, airplane tickets. He probably picks her up at the airport afterward. Seriously, that’s how they are.

She’s saying shit to her husband like “I love you but I’m not in love with you.” He’s begging her to stop.

An annoying bitch shrink in a short skirt is talking about “feeling disconnected” as the primary issue.

Dr. Drew comes the closest to drawing a moral conclusion, but skulks away at the last second, saying to this horrible slut, “My audience wants to reach across the couch and shake you–so let’s quickly have that conversation and get back to where we go.” Fuck you, Drew.

Oh, and there’s a 6 year old kid.

Oh, and they bring out the boyfriend on the show. Who says he’s trying to do it right, but the bitch won’t let him. She sits and preens, as well she should.

How many levels of wrong are going on here all at once? Wait it gets better.

Husband “confronts” boyfriend. Husband’s main claim is that his whorrible-wife once told him her boyfriend punched her once and that’s why they broke up. I hope that’s true. That he punched her. More than once. I don’t give a shit why they broke up. Anyhow, she’s denying the punching now too.

Crazed little black dress psychology bitch therapist starts saying “Fault! Fault! Fault!”

Ok, I’m done live-blogging the Dr. Drew Show.

This kind of “tangled” shit is really easy to resolve if you have moral principles or honor or bottom lines or whatever you want to call it that too few people have these days in the USA, meaning lines that you don’t cross and that you don’t let other people cross.

How ironic is it that the only demo in America that still effectively polices such lines is large black women.

Here are some bright lines that just came to me based on the bullshit I’m watching:

  • If your wife is fucking her ex-boyfriend, don’t take her to the airport. Or pick her up.
  • Large black women have more testosterone than most men.

I had several other bullet points but prudently deleted them.


A thousand terrorists are worth a single Israeli soldier

October 20, 2011

I’m going to have to be careful with this post.

I fully support Israel’s moral right to exist. I’m getting pretty sick and tired of Isral not fully supporting its moral right to exist.

Israel just traded letting go a thousand terrorists to get back one hostage soldier. A thousand murdering assholes unleashed on their streets to get back a cute soldier.

It’s weird to call Israelis pussies, but what a pussy move. You let those assholes keep this kid for 5 years and then made a horrible deal.

You should have fired real rockets into Gaza every night till he was released, killing women and children like you kill breeding cockroaches and their offspring.

It’s hard to support Israel’s right to exist when Israelis don’t.

Shame on you Israelis. You let that kid rot for 5 years and then shamefully “rescued” him at the cost of at least dozens, likely hundreds, maybe thousands, of Israeli lives. What the fuck is wrong with you?


The Perry Principle

October 20, 2011

Well, Rick Perry can go fuck himself with a cactus rammed home by an illegal immigrant.

His shameful, pathetic “I accuse Mitt Romney in the Conservatory with a Mexican groundskeeper!” performance last night sealed the lid on his campaign coffin.

Really, let’s rename The Peter Principle to The Perry Principle.

What a giant Texas-sized asshole Perry proved himself to be. He’s all hat. Asshat.

As for the rest of them:

Herman Cain. If he wins the nomination he’ll be our next president. If he wins the nomination, the game has completely changed with0ut the Establishment, as usual, having a clue. President Cain is not an impossibility.

Michelle Bachmann. She’s made herself the Jenny McCarthy of Republican politics.

Rick Santorum. He’s been a punchline forever. Now he’s Rick Perry’s little bitch poodle Romney attack chihuahua.

Ron Paul. Did he even show up?

Newt Gingrich. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

Did I miss anyone? Does it matter?

This doesn’t mean I won’t vote for anyone who isn’t Obama. But the Republican Crack Suicide Squad is firmly in charge.