George Zimmerman Defense Fund

April 29, 2012

When this case first hit the media, I was all over George Zimmerman. Forget what else they got wrong, at least Zimmerman had to be faulted for leaving his car and chasing Trayvon.

As facts keep coming out, it looks more and more like Zimmerman was dumb, but not culpable.

Everyone keeps saying, pro forma, that Trayvon’s death was a tragedy. I’m not so sure anymore.

I’m having a real hard time understanding how Zimmerman got the back of his head pounded into the sidewalk. I’m having a real hard time understanding how Trayvon attacked a guy with a gun pointed at him. I’m having a real hard time understanding how Zimmerman would have started this.

I never would have thought I’d defend Zimmerman. But it’s starting to look pretty bad for Trayvon.

Anyhow, I’m not so sure anymore that it’s a tragedy that Trayvon is dead.


Trayvon Martin vs John Derbyshire

April 21, 2012

Trayvon Martin is that little 17 year old douchebag who got shot by George Zimmerman, a zealous neighborhood watch guy, a few weeks ago.

Ooh. Wince. I just said Trayvon was a little douchebag.

I’m not saying Martin deserved to get shot. Being a little douchebag is not a capital offense. But all you people going aww! about sweet little six foot tall Trayvon need to get a reality check. The best you can say about Trayvon is that he was an upper middle-class stoner brat who was fucking up in school and buying into mainstream commercial gangsta bullshit and misogyny.

Let’s say I’m Trayvon’s girlfriends’ parents reading Trayvon’s Twitter account. (I published several excerpts from Trayvon’s Twitter, look back.). Let’s say I found out Trayvon was trying to date my daughter and I read his Twitter. I would love to make Trayvon’s mom read the good parts version of his twitter feed on Good Morning America. The FCC would go apeshit. The mainstream media gets to ignore this story because Trayvon’s tweeting is so nasty they can’t read it on the air. Even bleeped.

If there’s only one fact that has come out in this case yet, it is that Trayvon was a douchebag. Maybe he’d have grown out of it, had he not died. But right here, right now, he was a douchebag.

Speaking of douchebags, John Derbyshire is that 66 year old little douchebag who’s been writing for National Review for a few decades. He’s a curmudgeon who thinks that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote and that we aren’t euthanizing enough people. You’d think I’d be a fan, but there’s always been a creepy undercurrent to his writings that’s put me off.

He got fired for a racist rant triggered by Trayvon a few days ago.

Trayvon and Derb are an Odd Couple. Let’s cross the streams and I’ll make my point.

Trayvon is not a martyr. He’s a Darwin Award Winner.

Derbyshire is not a brave speaker-of-truth-to-power about racial issues. He’s a racist.

Derbyshire’s rant was his version of “The Talk,” meaning the talk that good black parents give their kids about how to stay safe in a white-cop world. Derbyshire, in direct response,  imagined out loud the version of The Talk that he’d give to his mixed race (but non-black) kids to keep them safe from black kids. It was the Anti-Talk.

I can quibble, but the majority of what Derbyshire said in his “Talk” was correct, point by point. That’s where most of the debate has stayed–was Derbyshire actually right point for point? That’s the wrong level for thinking about this.

Unless you’re a racist, you have to empathize with every black parent who’s worried that their kid is going to get pulled over for being black and who tells them to be cool and be safe. Derbyshire had zero empathy for those parents. Instead, he took this as opportunity to unleash on blacks in general.

Thought experiment, forget the facts coming out about this case:

The Trayvon Martin case hits the news. You’re at home with your black kids watching it. You’re pissed, you feel a sense of burning injustice, and much more than that, you feel, there but for the grace of God goes my child. You repress your anger, you ignore your politics, and you have The Talk. You tell your kids to live to fight another day. To be aware that you’ll be suspect where white kids won’t. To be Caesar’s Wife. To turn the other cheek.

Why do you deserve to be crapped on by the likes of John Derbyshire? “The Talk” was in no way provocation for Derbyshire’s “Anti-Talk.”

Oh, and, yes, I do know that Derby has cancer. Maybe he wrote that under the influence of drugs. So what? In druggo, veritas.

This is what racism really looks like. Not the cheap shit that Democrats use for political advantage.

It’s when you’re offered an olive branch or a bridge and you slap it away. For cheap political advantage. Shame on you, Derby.

Dog vs Dog

April 21, 2012

Mitt Romney’s been taking a lot of crap from the Obama campaign for transporting his Irish setter in a dog carrier on the roof of the car to family vacation sites. Lately, President Toonces has been lampooned by Republicans for eating dog as a kid and having nothing more to say than “tastes like tough chicken.”

Here’s why this isn’t funny. Ok, it’s funny.

The Obama campaign decided to hammer on this to appeal to all the single-issue dog owners out there who think their dogs are “family.” The kind of numbnutz idiots who would have a hard time making a Sophie’s choice between Timmy and Lassie.

There is nothing wrong with putting your dog on top of the car when your car is full of kids instead of leaving your dog in a goddamn kennel for 2 weeks. Hey, liberal assholes who kennel your dogs while you go to Hyanusport, you think a dog left in a kennel for 2 weeks wouldn’t trade places with Mitt’s dog?

Seriously, the Obama campaign has carved out a demographic called “batshit-crazy dog owners” and is trying to appeal to them. Wow. I can’t wait to see the mailings later this year.

On one of the family trips, the Romney dog got diarrhea and shit all over the windows and windshield. Mitt got out, hosed off the windows, and kept going. Now, that’s Presidential.

Bold Prediction: Supremes strike down all of Obamacare 6-3

April 20, 2012

That is all.


UPDATE: Well, I got that one wrong. John Roberts stuck a stick in everyone’s spokes. I’m pretty annoyed with the other conservatives getting all snitty and refusing to sign on to his rebuke of the Commerce Clause argument.

Pink Slime, RIP

April 6, 2012

A horrible little bitch celebrity chef, Jamie Oliver, went ballistic over “pink slime” in ground beef recently. We’ve all been eating “pink slime” for years. Especially you morons who want 90% lean hamburger. You idiots are going to pay a lot more for your lean rabbit meat than you used to.

“Pink slime” aka LFTB (lean finely textured beef) is bits and pieces of cow parts rendered and added to hamburger to cheaply make it more lean. To make sure that it’s sterile it is either exposed to an ammonia gas or mixed with citric acid.

Cargill, the pre-eminent producer of LFTB in the USA has had to lay off nearly 700 people since TLBJO (That Little Bitch Jaime Oliver) went on his ooh! ick! rant.

Cargill uses (used to use) citric acid, not ammonia, to sterilize LFTB. I didn’t see a single lamestream media outlet say that. Instead, they talked only about ammonia, which sounds much grosser. It’s not, by the way. You’ve been eating this forever and going yum yum. Whether ammonia gas or citric acid is used, tastes the same is safe the same. You can’t tell, you’ve never been able to tell.

That’s right, American pink slime really is lean beef of indeterminate composition mixed with a little bit of lemon juice. If you eat hot dogs or sausage, really, stop your bitching. LFTB is way less worse than hot dogs and sausages. Even the FDA agrees it’s a good idea to use LFTB in hamburger. You’re getting a little bit of filet mignon and the occasional heart tissue mixed with your burger. It’s good for you, idiot. It’s more nutritious. Come the apocalypse, pink slime might keep you alive.

As for citric acid, have a coke and some citric acid. Or some commercial ice cream. It’s in damn near everything.

So here’s what really happened: that horrible little foodie bazillioniare Jamie Oliver just cost 700 hard-working Americans their jobs. Aided and abetted by NBC, CBS and ABC. And all you idiots who went ooh! ick! ….  You jackasses just got a significant price hike for hamburger at the grocery store. You deserve it. I don’t. Nice job, you finicky assholes. And you got 700 American workers fired for no reason. Feel good now?

You and TLBJO should send those Cargill un-employees their un-employment checks, but you won’t because you’re stupid douchebags who shit where you eat and then move on. My taxes will go up to pay for what you did. As usual.

This is a minor story. And a major parable.

Obama vs Dracula

April 4, 2012

Well, they both get women off, Obama and Dracula. Their victims have no clue they’re about to become victims. O & D both say stupid shit that everybody looking on goes, seriously, you fell for that shit? But people under their spell go, ok, whatever, do it to me.

So yeah, I’m coming out with my theory:

Obama’s a vampire.

Got a better theory?

Oh, and Michelle’s a werewolf.

David Fincher: The soul of the American liberal

April 2, 2012

I just finished watching Fincher’s remake of the Swedish book/movie, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. The movie works well for the first two hours and then devolves into a tedious Occupy Wall Street revenge fantasy. The subtext of the movie is that powerful capitalists are all corrupt; all men are monsters or feckless; women are more or less heroic victims of male monstrousness and/or fecklessness.

Lately, I’ve been thinking that the defining characteristic of the American liberal worldview is that the powerful and successful in free capitalist societies are actually secret monsters who maintain their privilege by dirty dealings and entertain themselves with perversion and horrific secret crimes. It’s pretty close to a blood libel against businessmen.

Dean Koontz, the horror thriller writer, wrote a terrific book called Twilight Eyes. A race of alien werewolves lives among human beings, looking just like the rest of us, except to a few humans who can see the beast underneath. The werewolves delight in causing human misery and tragedy: they make boilers explode in grade schools, cause train wrecks and so on. The typical liberal thinks he sees through the thin veneer of humanity painted on the capitalist monster. He can tell that capitalism is really about exploitation, not free trade between free adults. He knows that all the wealth created is really just a ruse to replace real human values. It’s Soylent Green all the way down.

What I haven’t been able to figure out is why liberals come to see the world this way.

I was raised by crackpots. My father was a political crackpot–a John Bircher conspiracy theory Christian fundamentalist. My mother was a medical crackpot–not just homeopathy and laetrile and anti-flouride and the medical establishment is out to drug us to death, but really crazy stuff like color therapy (wrap mylar film of various colors around bottles of water, leave them out in the sun for a day and the water would be transformed into medicine).

It’s too easy to say that liberals just have the crackpot gene. But the liberal conviction of the fundamental evil of every free market outcome is pretty crack-potty.

My daughter (yes, I am skipping around a lot in this post–I’m thinking by typing) was raised without religion. I was indoctrinated in Christian Reconstructionism, but had made a break for it by the time she was verbal. When she was 7 or 8, a couple of her little Christian friends, egged on without doubt by their parents, made my little heathen a pet project and started taking her to church. This lasted a few months before they gave up. Near the end, she came home and said something like, “Dad, they pretend they’re drinking the blood of Jesus. WTF?” She was shocked and revolted. Like only an 8 year old girl can be revolted by something unexpected and gross.

I started out immersed in Christian metaphorical ritual cannibalism. Seemed perfectly normal, perfectly healthy, to me. Even after I decided it was BS, I didn’t fully grok how fucked up and weird it was till I saw it through an innocent 8 year old’s eyes.

So here’s my theory the first, and it is the first theory that is mine, and it is the theory I am saying right now–

Liberalism is as crack-potty as the Eucharist. Liberal tropes have become so embedded in our culture that we don’t notice now weird they are. Lots of people who aren’t crackpots at heart just breathe this stupidity in.

Liberalism spreads too because it’s useful. It’s an excuse. Not just as an excuse for failure, but an excuse for hating. “The Man” is keeping you down. Really? In America? You can’t overcome Richard Nixon or George Bush or Monsanto? If “The Man” were Robert Mugabe or Vladimir Putin, I could sympathize with your plight. Liberals hate like teens hate their parents. Liberalism is Will Smith singing “Parents Just Don’t Understand” writ large. Liberal hate is even more petty and laughable than liberal life excuses.

Case in point: the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman case. Barack Obama behaved like a douchebag. Obama is to politics what Michael Jackson was to plastic surgery. He can’t be taught. You’d think after the Beer Summit debacle Barack would shut his stupid mouth about law enforcement issues before the facts are known. You’d be wrong. I have yet to hear liberals walking back the Trayvon Jesus Christ Who Died For Our Sins narrative. Like the sulky teens they are, liberals don’t apologize.

And they live in a dark world where their privilege and pampering is really just manipulation by people who do stuff they can’t understand. Like a Fincher movie.

I do feel sorry for liberals. Like other crackpots, they live 24 x 7 with a sense of impending doom.