I didn’t used to care about Haiti, till my wife started making noises about going down there for humanitarian reasons. That’s when I started to hate Haiti.
Haiti is one of the most….what? How do you describe Haiti? Fucked-up shithole doesn’t even come close. None of the scatological pejoratives that we usually rely on when talking about the third world capture the redolent stench of how horrible a place Haiti is. Not even Muslims can fuck up a country this bad for this long. To make something stink this bad, you need the French.
Everyone’s falling all over themselves to send money. If you’re reading this, please don’t. There will be plenty of money without you piling on. Take this as an opportunity to send money to a serious cause dealing with an ongoing problem, not just an ephemeral Sally Struthers moment. Yes, if nobody were sending money to Haiti, I would, but trust me–they’ll get all they need and waste a lot more. Let the easy marks carry this one.
Anyhow, my wife wanted to go to Haiti to do her medical thing, and I stamped my little foot. Had she gone, I’d have divorced her. All you other people with spouses spending time down there in that voodoo-infested petrie dish, you should stamp your little feet too, especially now. Though you might not think it’s possible, hygiene’s about to get a lot worse in Haiti.
She didn’t go and I think she was secretly grateful that I nipped that little bit of altruistic horseshit in the bud.
So what should the US do when shit happens?
I’m thinking we should stop giving foreign aid to anyone on any basis, including military, except to countries that agree to be a protectorate of the United States. They should have to accept us disbanding their fucked up governments or at least telling them what to do.
I don’t want to think about the details here. I just want strong, ball-strangling strings from now on everyone who wants the help of the USA. Israel, Haiti, Egypt, I’m sick and fucking tired of paying for your stupidity. Forget no taxation without representation, no help without strings.
There are a ridiculous shitload of spoiled teenager countries out there who will never get it right until they have to live by adult USA rules.
If we want to help Haiti, we should take it over, right now. Otherwise, this is exactly like pouring more money into your heroin-addicted adult child because you can’t bear what’s happening.
Haiti needs to fucking change, and they won’t do it unless we make them do it or die.