Bernie Madoff’s Accomplices

June 28, 2009

Most people call them his victims or his investors, but they’re his accomplices. Most people talk about how their trust got them fleeced, but it was their greed that drove their trust.

The ABC news show 20/20 just did another piece villainizing Bernie and implicitly sanctifying the people who lost money with him. He smoked pot! He didn’t seem remorseful! He got happy ending massages!

They went after his wife pretty good too. I consider his wife just another investor, no better and no worse than any of the others. The only difference between the rest of them and her, and the only reason she’s still in Bernie’s corner, is that she still has hope of a payday from him.

ABC insinuated she was a more conscious accomplice than the rest of the investors, trying to smear her, but there’s no evidence that she was actively working the scam with him. If you don’t sympathize with her, I can’t understand why you sympathize with the rest of them.


Michael Jackson, R.I.P., P.Y.T.

June 26, 2009

In the middle of a meeting today, while I was talking, someone  turned a laptop screen toward me, with the headline MICHAEL JACKSON DEAD, and it cracked me up in the middle of a sentence. Then the meeting was derailed for 10 minutes.


Totally inappropriate  that my first reaction was laughter. Forget inappropriate, inexplicable. Unlike  most people, I got nothing against MJ.


I am one of the few people who, if I had to bet, would bet that MJ didn’t molest those little kids. I’ve taken more than a little crap at parties defending this reasonable opinion.


I even own Invincible and I think that the album just before that with Scream on it is really really good. I was never a huge fan–would never have paid for a concert ticket, and I thought Thriller was way overrated–but I liked his stuff even after everyone was going Ick!


My wife texted me about this. She texts me about twice a year, usually WTF ARE YOU? EVERYONE’S WAITING.


I got home tonight and every cable news channel has pre-empted normal programming to cover this like a presidential assassination. Every channel is channeling every other channel–forget about those molestation accusations, a Great Man has passed. Even the jackals are subdued and have ceased howling for one night.


I can’t work because the internet is totally hosed. I lose my VPN every 30 seconds. I’m typing this into Notepad because I can’t reach my blog. MSN and Yahoo refresh only occasionally. This means a 5 am morning for me. Shit.


Really, this is this big? Like Elvis? I’m watching everyone who dismissed him a decade ago suddenly having a near-Kennedy moment.


I’ve always thought of MJ as tragic. He would probably have had a much better life had he been only as talented as his siblings.


MJ reminds me of the little boy in Jerome Bixby’s story “It’s a Good Life.” That great horror story was cartoonishly made into a hopeful parable in The Twilight Zone movie. In the movie version,  Kathleen Quinlan, playing a hot visiting schoolteacher, rescues a little monster who was born with the ability to erase his mouthy sister’s mouth if she mouthed off or to wish people who really annoyed him into the cornfield. At the end of the movie, the little monster and the hot teacher drive off to a sunny future where she will teach him to tame his id. The original story didn’t end so sunnily.


MJ never got saved by his hot KQ teacher.


He had talent too big for his frame, predators around him all his life, nutjob Jehovah’s Witness parents, and the worst fucking case of body dysmorphic disorder in all history. Oh and a bazillion trazillion holyshit-kamillian bucks.


This is another one of those times when I am grateful for the number of people who can check my bullshit and refuse to grant my wishes unless I first climb down out of the tree.


It just hit me: all these Hollywood news media assholes really do feel guilty and that’s why they’re making such a big deal of this. They hounded this guy and now he’s dead and they smell their own stink on his corpse.

What a Silly Bunt

June 24, 2009

Barbara Boxer, of course.

Her famous dressing down of a brigadier general who had the temerity to address her respectfully is one of those moments that clarifies many things.

The general had been dealing with Her Snottiness in typical military fashion–pretending that even the rudest cunt should be treated like a lady.

Boxer took loud, stupid, extended offense to being called “Ma’am.” Boxer had been superciliously obnoxious to the general for a while before the clip we’ve all seen. He was unruffled, before and after being called on the carpet by this crazy lazy political hack bitch. That she should spend this much time in government and have so little contact with the military that she thought “ma’am” from a general officer indicates disrespect…. I can’t finish this sentence.

Fuck you, Senator Barbara B. Boxer Antoinette.

In Iran Democracy == Theocracy

June 23, 2009

I could be wrong, but I’m not going to let that stop me saying I don’t care how many people the Mullahs kill in Iran. Here’s one time I’m on Obama’s side.

I don’t believe that the people rioting in the streets are all that much different from the people tear-gassing them and shooting them. It’s just who happens to have control of the tear gas and the guns. I think Iran is  a country of 70 million assholes, as in, some people have one, some people are one. As with almost every Muslim country, everyone worth a damn has already gotten the hell out. Most home-bound Iranians are one.

We’ve been waiting 30 years for the so-called disaffected, Westernized Iranian youth to make a move. Instead, they attend stonings and patronize prostitutes with no cognitive dissonence whatsoever. Now they riot over Tweedledum.

The riots over the Lakers win are more politically significant than this standard issue Muslim street violence over the Christian equivalent of how many angels can dance on the head of a pin.

Father’s Day

June 23, 2009

I guess I have to say something about Father’s Day after trashing Mother’s Day. So here goes.

Father’s Day is the sloppy seconds of holidays.

If American men weren’t such pussies, we’d treat Father’s Day like the insult it is. Instead, we put up with it like we really are that married guy on every commercial whose wife and kids are always smarter, better, snottier and still benevolently if sarcastically indulgent of our knuckle-dragging ways.

Charity and Chastity – who needs either?

June 18, 2009

I keep getting suckered by the poor and the victimized.

When the tsunami (you know the one) happened, I sent money. I’ve bought $500 worth of soccer balls for Iraqi kids who probably put C4 in them and rolled them at a stray dog as practice. After 9/11….well, I’m too ashamed to talk about it.

I’m not against helping the victimized. I’m against me doing it. There are plenty of other people who will do it. Way more than plenty. If you have half a brain, you should think about causes that matter that people don’t flock to. After 9/11, the blood banks and banks were overflowing. You don’t need to pile on. It’s so tempting because the circumstances are so heart-wrenching. That’s exactly the time to resist. Others will more than take up your slack.

Never again will I give money to a victim or the poor. If something really bad happens, I’ll exorcise my empathy by giving more to causes that are chronically starved, counting on the masses to handle this like they handle voting for American Idol.

Go thou and do likewise.

Big Lies and the Lying Liars Who Sell Them

June 14, 2009

I saw Ed Rendell, governor of Pennsylvania, stumping for the stimulus on one of the talking head Sunday shows. He’s got the elevator pitch down:

  • Government must do something to “jump start” the economy.
  • Disaster is certain if government does nothing.
  • Every reasonable person, right or left, and every economist, agrees with the above, it’s just about the details.
  • It doesn’t matter if all of this will mostly help people who don’t deserve it. If we don’t save them, they’ll take the rest of us down with them.

This isn’t just throwing good money after bad. This is:

  • protecting those who deserve to lose everything
  • preventing us from finding out who all those people are
  • not doing a damn thing to help those who in good faith have been seriously screwed already (like ordinary people and their mutual funds that own bank stocks)
  • setting up huge new entitlement obligations that won’t ever go away
  • setting up huge new teat-sucking corrupt constituencies that won’t ever go away
  • teaching the greedy and stupid at all IQ and income levels that they can get away with it

We would be MUCH better off if Rendell, Emmanuel, Little Timmy, and all the other parliamentary whores were dispatched to Circuit City to hand out $10,000 in freshly printed US currency to every third person at random. It’s not just about the amount they’re planning to spend, it’s about who they’ll bless and who they’ll blame.

People (most of them economic ignoramuses) love to blather about “market failures.” Well, if there’s one thing that the market is great at dealing with, it’s failure. Market justice is swift and ruthless. The bailouts are all about preventing justice for those who are “too big to fail.” There’s never been an American administration so blatantly in bed with the fatcats as this one. The market didn’t fail here. The asshats in Washington have prevented the market from meting out its usual justice to their friends.

And most liberals have proven they’re nothing but political fanboys. They’ve swooned over Obama like teen girls over Miley. This is the most save-the-establishment screw-the-people administration ever. My liberal friends, who used to argue with me and hound me at every turn, now say, let’s not ruin the party. None of them want to talk about it.