July 30, 2011

I am of a certain age.

I wake up in the middle of the night and have a hard time getting back to sleep.

So I listen to the radio. That knocks me out within 30 minutes.

I have a Squeezebox Radio and a pillow speaker. Without the pillow speaker, my wife would kill me.

Without the Squeezebox, I’d have to listen to crap and it wouldn’t turn off automatically.

Squeezebox Radio rocks. Get one.

So I hear a lot of PSA’s. Public Service Announcements.

There is a whole series about how you should talk to your 2 year old, even if other people think that talking baby talk to your baby is odd. Thanks, gubmint. We parents really needed your fucking permission to talk like idiots to our toddlers without being embarrassed.

There are a lot of PSA sequels. There’s this series about animal adoption where Lassie lets Timmie get bit by rattlesnakes or drown for not being sufficiently sensitive to the plight of animals who are in trouble for issues not related to the animal’s behavior.  They say that. “Not related to the animal’s behavior.”

As long as these things invade my 330am wakefulness, I will know that we haven’t cut back on government enough.



Goodbye Comcast

July 30, 2011

A couple of days ago, I finally turned in my Comcast DVR/converter. It had been sitting in my car for a while. Because I hadn’t been able to turn it in because I hadn’t gotten off work in time to go to their store and stand in line. I’m one of those people that horrid little bitch Obama is asking for more “shared sacrifice.” I’d rather burn my money than “share” any more of it. Next time he whines about working a weekend, I think I’ll just write the white house and ask everyone else there who’s worked the last 4 weekends in a row to suck my dick. I suspect I’ll be sick and tired of having my dick sucked if even 5% of them volunteer. Obama is pretty. That’s it. There’s nothing else there. Except lazy, petulant, over-privileged and pussy-whipped.

There’s this stupid, overfed girl who I have seen at several traffic stops for the last several months. She never gets skinnier. She does have different signs. “Hep my famly.” “Hungry need fud.” It’s all I can do to not swerve into her and call a Soylent Green van.

When I finally managed it, I was first in line.  We’re on the subject of Comcast again. To hell with that lazy girl. I mean, both lazy girls, Obama, and that fat bitch with the signs making a lot more money every day from stupid people than she could make at a job.

There were 4 CSRs. I still had to wait 20 minutes while everyone else jawed about I don’t know what. I was first in line and I had to wait 20 minutes. I read Sultan Knish on my phone while waiting. When I finally got to a CSR, he didn’t try to save me as a cableTV customer. He just tried to sell me on phone service. I told him that Vonage kicks their ass, and that I only keep Vonage in case my cell phone is dead and my house catches on fire. He didn’t try to upsell me on Internet. I had to ask him about it. I knew I wanted faster internet. Not because I’m having any problems right now, but because I want to share Wikileaks files and pictures of Barack Obama wearing Michelle’s underwear without it interfering with me watching Bikini Bimbos 3 on Netflix.

I’ve been a Comcast customer for like 20 years. They didn’t tell me to go fuck myself. They didn’t have that much energy. They just shrugged when I left.



Shared Sacrifice

July 28, 2011

Every tme I hear Obama say “shared sacrifice” my contempt for him grows another order of magnitude. Right now, my contempt for Obama is greater than the number of hydrogen atoms in the universe. I know it can grow, but not what into what.

I don’t want to sacrifice one more penny. Barack, you and your Island-of-Misfit-Toys not-real-boys have already hoovered out hundreds of thousands of dollars of what I’ve worked hard all my life to save, You’ve turned it into “stimulus” to pay off your government union leeches. I’ve personally kept 7 or 8 of your little stimulated monsters in cableTV and fruit rollups and mortgages they didn’t deserve just this year alone. That’s being conservative.

Go ahead, say shared sacrifice again, motherfucker!

That’s a Pulp Fiction reference.

For legal protection, I’m not threatening to kill Obama. I’m just saying that it’s a pretty good movie scene, and it applies metaphorically.





Lucy and Charlie

July 28, 2011

The lamestream media is going balls-to-the-wall to convince people that the Republicans should knuckle under to Huffy Obama.

The polls they report are hilarious lies. Most Americans are on the #fuckyouwashington train. So you can slant the polls to be against whoever you want them to be. Because we hate y’all y’all, and we’re too stupid to go NONE OF THE FUCKING ABOVE when asked pollster questions.

Here’s a couple of good polling questions:

Who would you most like to throw at in dunk tank: Obama, Boehner, Reid, and Pelosi if there were piranha in it. Seriously, If you don’t want to see Pelosi die a painful, bloody death, you’re not a real American.

Who would you most like to see get raped in a prison shower, Obama, Boehner, Reid or Cantor? Who would you most like to see rape your first choice? I pick Geithner.

I have to admit this. Boehner has been canny and has proved he can learn after that buttfucking he got a couple of months ago. Sure, he’s a captive of the system, but I think he wants to be a real live boy someday. I’m kinda liking Boehner, as Borgs go. Check out Jennifer Rubin’s colum in the Washington Post–she lays out the case for Boehner quite persuasively.

What’s happened last time is taxes go into effect now and cuts go into effect after the people who promised to make the cuts have been through another election cycle. Which means the cuts don’t happen.  That’s the bait and switch the Dems did a few months ago. I have the feeling Boehner is really pissed, that he really doesn’t like taking it up the butt. That he was really hornswaggled last time, and he’s learned a few things about the promises of Harry Reid, his Dirty Uncle who snuck into his fiscal bedroom and diddled him.

Here’s what we’re all waiting for:

Charlie Brown is going to run at the football and at the last second he will kick Lucy as hard as he can in the cunt.

Obama is Lucy, in case you’re not really paying attention to my metaphors. Obama’s already acting like he got kicked in the cunt. Which he has. I hope it really, really hurts as much as he’s acting like it does.

Here are the bottom lines, fuck the lying pollsters:

Most American are sick of it. A majority don’t want the debt ceiling raised, period. Most pollsters don’t ask that question. But when they do…

Most Americans hate everyone in Washington. If what’s left of al-Quesadilla managed today to fly planes into the White House and the Capitol while Congress was in session, I’ll bet most of us would say, Dirty job but somebody’s got to do it.

Marie Antoinette didn’t see it coming either.

Republicans have one last chance. So far, they’re taking it. I’m kinda impressed. If this turns out to be Republican Kabuki, I will be very cross.











Sympathy for the Devil

July 26, 2011

Amy Whinehouse is dead.

Boo. Fucking. Hoo.

Thousands of children die in Africa because rich Americans read Silent Spring and got all weepy about DDT, as weepy as they are now about poor Amy. Millions dead, but Amy could sing.

The same people are emotional about both, weepy about poor Amy, ignoring dead malaria babies.

Amy wasn’t tortured, she was a torturer. She abdicated all human decency thinking her talent could trump being a complete fucking asshole. All you liberal douchebags–She was much worse than Marie Antoinette. Your sympathy is political, not real.

I have zero sympathy for Amy.

There’s only so much sympathy you have to spend. Sympathy is not infinite, unless you’re a stupid dramatic liberal, and you just think it’s infinite.

On the scale of how many horrible tragedies happened today, where do you think an over-privileged, self-destructive, accidentally-talented lazy drug-sucking whore ranks?

At least a thousand four-year olds expired today from diarrhea, not being drunken sots with too much eye-makeup.

Even in the civilized world, teenage girls forced into prostitution died today from similar causes. But they couldn’t sing, and they weren’t celebrities, so fuck them.

If you are having a heart-throb sympathy jag about Amy Winehouse, I hate you. You’re about drama, not helping anybody. You fucking suck. I hope you die like Amy Winehouse, disoriented and stupid and wanting it.

I’m glad she’s dead. She’s the Osama bin Laden of music.


Defending DSK

July 26, 2011

I’m stepping way out on a limb here, defending a privileged frog who I hate who got busted for supposedly fucking a hotel maid. Then it turns out she’s got a Nigerian-scam level bank account balances.

She’s all over the evening news now sounding full of shit and getting sympathy from pinstriped dimbulbs like Diane Sawyer.

OK, as hotel maids go, she’s hotter than average.

As stupid French fucks go, he’s about average.

Anyhow, I don’t care. I guess that’s what I should have said.

She’s an obviously dodgy liar. He’s an over-privileged douchebag.

I hope they get married.


Shared Sacrifice

July 24, 2011

Barack Toonces is saying we must have “shared sacrifice.”

I didn’t realize I was in his target “sacrifice” demographic until I had to fill out my taxes this year. Seriously, I had no idea we made that much money. Because we pay our bills and live in a 40 year old house and have no debts but the house and we work like hell all the time. Funny how doing that for 30 years will put you into Barack’s crosshairs.

Barack, that lazy millionaire best-selling Bill Ayers-ghostwriting bitch, with his $300k a year beast of a wife with her featherbead job, is fine with people like me paying more taxes.

I’m not. I’ve sacrificed enough.

My 401K has dropped by half. My house is worth 2/3 what is was when your stupid wife took office, Barack. You’ve wasted a trillion of my dollars keeping government employees on the payroll, calling it “stimulus.”

You’re disgusting, Barack and Michelle Antoinette. Money comes easy to you. Not to me, not to my wife. We’ve worked hard, learned real skills, not bullshit like community organizing and whatever the hell it was that Michelle did at that hospital, it sure as hell wasn’t medical, for her $300K a year.

Barack and Michelle are rich only because they’re pretty. Politically pretty.

It’s not enough to say I hate them. Hate isn’t strong enough.